real good points Dragon´s Muse.
a subs perspective is different from the Masters and yes as a guy we have some serious "programming" done by our mothers/parents just like you said.
I sure cant even grasp at abusing my girlfriend. Spankings and serious teasing and CD and all that is completely different from abuse imho.
Babysteps yes absolutely. If he is new to the scene just like you are then he might not know exactly what do do and well honestly I have dommed plenty but it is far from me being able to say that I know exactly what I am doing. I might know roughly but that isnt the same.
I dont think anybody knows exactly what to do in any given situation. Not even the most experienced Dom does that I think.
A mentor for your Dom/husband is definitely a good suggestion aswell.

Never run head first and blindfolded into a dark forest. You are quite likely to fall and hurt yourself in the process.

good thread.