this is a tough one, as i have been a cutter for the majority of my life, since about as early as i can remember it beginning. i dunno why i started cutting, hitting or burning myself but i know that it feels better than most things that have happened in the course of my life. it started out as hitting and then i moved into burning myself. i stuck with this for a while and then progress to cutting with shaving razors and then to switch blades and knives. i am guessing that it probably started out as pleasure as i don't see why someone would continue to hurt themselves for pain to begin with, maybe once it had grown into a fetish of pain maybe, but not to begin with. but it's also safe to assume that the more i progressed with the behavior the more it hurt and the hurt felt better than the pleasure. now pain is a part of life and a part of my daily life. although O/others do not understand this type of communication it has always been an outlet for me.

as far as masochistic tendencies i think that it is a safe question to ask sadist why T/they enjoy being sadistic....for this question intrigues me more as i have no desire to hurt O/others. it amazes that O/one can gain pleasure at the account of A/another's suffering...*nodnod*

thank Y/you A/all for allowing me to share
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