Ah, Ruby, you are so correct in so much of what you say. Your corrections to what I offered were very sound.

*** If someone is writing from the first person, I want them to show me through her actions instead of telling me what she is feeling without any "proof". Consequently, there is some action missing. Eyes flashing and fear and cloud of anger, while being easy to proclaim, haven't been justified by any actions. ***

That, more than anything else is a perfect explanation of what first person narrative should be. It is something I failed at in my re-write.