Nancy's First Assignment

[nancy]

Nancy's First Assignment
Welcome to the block!

For your first assignment, craft a scene/chapter/story with the following opening.

Tonya was rummaging in her bag, looking for her ringing cell phone, when she bumped into the tall man. She looked up, annoyed, ready to offer a nominal apology. Her mind reeled; standing before her was the man who taken her virginity and never called her again.

--------------

Tonya was rummaging in her bag, looking for her ringing cell phone, when she bumped into the tall man. She looked up, annoyed, ready to offer a nominal apology. Her mind reeled; standing before her was the man who had taken her virginity and never called her again.

She just stood there, her stomach twisting with each insistent melody from the cell phone, which finally stopped playing.

“Don’t I know you? You look familiar,” he said.

“Oh yes, you do know me,” Her voice was icy.

He stared at her face then looked up and down her body. “Let’s see. You must be Tonya. It has been quite a while, and you have changed.”

“Yes. It has been seven years, and I have grown up a bit,” she replied.

“There’s a Starbucks over there. May I buy you a coffee, Tonya?”

She hesitated, and then said, “I suppose so, if you really want to.”

Standing in line she looked at the large menu on the wall behind the counter and told him she would like mocha. Then she excused herself to visit the ladies’ room.

Once inside the small unisex restroom she locked the door and leaned unsteadily against the wall, her heart pounding. She had to collect her thoughts and regain control over her emotions. She remembered her long-ago encounter with Rodger as though it were yesterday. She let the memory play in her mind as she tried to decide what she should do now.

---------------

Seven years ago she had planned to attend a movie with a high-school girlfriend, who canceled at the last minute, so she went alone. While the title and credits for the feature were flowing across the screen, a man settled into the empty seat beside her. His face seemed attractive in the dim light, and he was clearly older. She guessed that he must be twice as old as she was, which would make him 32. Her attention was divided between the developing plot on the screen and the strong masculine presence sitting beside her. His arm monopolized the armrest between them, but she tentatively put her arm on the edge beside his. When her bare skin touched his it was as though an electric charge ricocheted through her body. He didn’t seem to mind, so she left her arm there, lightly touching his, enjoying the erotic feel of it. From time to time she squirmed in her seat, moving her arm against his bare skin. After a while her fingers lightly touched the back of his hand, and he turned his hand over to gently grasp hers. Sitting in the dark, holding hands with an unknown man, she lost all interest in the movie playing on the screen. He twisted in his seat and moved his hand to her knee. An electric tingle flowed up her leg, but she didn’t move a muscle for a long time. Then she pulled her skirt half way up her thighs and his hand followed it, lightly touching the inside of her thigh.

When the movie was over she walked behind him up the aisle and out into the bright sunlight. She stood still as he stepped back and stared at her with a quizzical look, as though trying to make up his mind.

“I don’t live far from here,” he said. “Would you like to see my apartment?”

“Yes, I would,” she answered.

The three-room apartment was spacious and decorated in a stark utilitarian style. The white walls of the living room were bare; there was a maroon leather couch and a matching chair and ottoman. The sturdy maple coffee table had nothing on top, and there were no decorations, flowers or other frills anywhere to be seen. He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her against him. When he kissed her, she did not respond, and she pulled away when he forced his tongue between her lips.

“You’re trembling like a leaf,” he said. “Is this your first time?”

“Yes it is, and I think I had better be going.”

“The first time is special. You need someone with experience to guide you,” he said. “Let me be your tutor. I will lead the way and all you have to do is follow along and experience the ecstasy. “

She didn’t respond, but neither did she head for the door. He opened the top button of her blouse. She did not interfere, so he continued with the rest. He pulled the blouse out of her skirt, pushed it down her arms, and folded it neatly on the couch. He found the clasp at the side of her skirt, opened it, pulled down the zipper, and let the skirt fall around her ankles. She lifted one foot and then the other, letting him remove the skirt and put it on the couch with her blouse. She moved one leg modestly in front of the other and tried to cover her body with her arms.

“You are beautiful,” he said. “Don’t try to hide it. I want to see you. Hold your hands behind your back and move your feet apart.”

She obeyed, and stood before him meekly in her white bra and panties, while he quickly removed his shirt, pants and shoes. He had a patch of dark hair on his chest and a bulge in his blue boxer shorts.

“Now we are both in our underwear,” he said, “but you still have your shoes on.”

He watched lasciviously as she pushed the loafers off her feet and lifted one leg and then the other to remove her socks.

“Now let me show you how to kiss,” he said. “Come here and put your hands on my shoulders.”

She did as she was told, and he put his arms around her and pulled her body firmly against his.

“We start with the lips and then with the tongue. Open your mouth when I do,” he instructed.

He kissed her gently on the lips then flicked his tongue over her lips in a teasing way. When he pushed it between her lips, she opened her mouth and touched her tongue against his. He rotated his hips against hers and she responded in the same way, pushing her pubis against him. The passionate kiss continued until he pushed her away.

“You are a fast learner, my dear,” he smiled.

“You are a good teacher, Sir,” she said.

He took her hand and led her into the bedroom, which contained only a chest, a chair and a bed with a headboard but no footboard. The black-metal headboard had vertical bars, and a length of white-nylon rope was tied to the frame on each side.

He reached behind her, opened the clasp of her bra and pulled it off her shoulders. He ran his fingers over the firm, youthful breasts. He smiled as the small pink nipples responded assiduously when he teased them with his fingernails. He pushed her panties down her legs, and when she stepped out of them, he guided her gently onto the bed. He removed his boxer shorts, and she saw the erect penis for the first time. Although she had no basis for comparison, it was larger than she had expected.

They were close together on the bed as he explored her body with his fingertips. He knew where to touch, and soon she was twisting her hips and making soft purring sounds.

“Is there something that I should be doing now, teacher?” she asked.

“Not this time,” he said. “Just relax and let me do it all. In fact, it will help you if you let me tie your hands to show that you are not expected to do anything.”

When she didn’t respond, he pulled one of her wrists to the headboard and fastened it with the waiting rope. He repeated the move with her other wrist. As she lay on her back with arms spread, he got on his knees, flicked his tongue over her erect nipples, and let his fingers play in her pubic hair. Soon she was twisting, panting, and pulling against the ropes. Then he was gone.

Then she experienced something that was burned into her memory. Although it lasted only a minute, the emotion was intense. Over the past seven years she had played it over many times in her mind as she lay squirming in her bed.

She felt hands grasp her ankles and she saw Rodger standing at the foot of the bed. Holding her feet together, he pulled on her ankles until her arms were tightly stretched and the ropes bit into her wrists. She was mesmerized by his muscular body with its erect penis, but the penis seemed to be different from before in a strange way. She had never seen a condom, and, in fact, she didn’t know what they were for. She watched his eyes roam up and down her body, and she could only imagine what she must look like to him. A naked girl, bound with her arms spread wide, helpless, ready and available. Roger gave her ankles another firm tug then spread her legs wide apart. He held them there for a moment, savoring her exposed pussy, and then he climbed onto the bed between her open legs. Gently, patiently he slowly slid his penis into her well-lubricated vagina. After a while he rolled off of her, panting and gasping for breath.

He twisted around and laid his head on her breast, looking into her eyes. “Did you like that, dear?”

“Oh god, yes,” she whispered.

“This is only the first lesson, dear. You still have a lot to learn. A lot to experience,” he said.

“I want to experience it, Sir, and you are a wonderful teacher.”

They continued to chat for some time, and then he untied her wrists and told her to get dressed. When she was ready to leave she asked when she would see him again. He said he would call her and she wrote her number on two pieces of paper in case he lost one. She never heard from him again. She visited his apartment building several times, but he did not answer his bell.

In the year that followed she became an easy conquest, searching for that special feeling that she had experienced with Rodger; but she didn’t find it. The boys that she dated were naive, inexperienced and interested only in themselves.

---------------------------

In the Starbucks restroom she combed her hair and fixed her makeup. She was back in control. She could face him now.

She joined him at a small table, and he pushed the paper container of mocha over to her.

“It’s nice to see you again, Tonya. How have you been these last few years?” he asked.

“Why didn’t you call me?” She had decided to confront him with it right out.

“I thought about it, but I knew you were too young. I never should have done that to you. I certainly hope that it didn’t cause you any problems,” his voice was apologetic.

“I lived with it. But what made you decide that I was too young all of a sudden?” she asked.

“You were only sixteen,” he said, “and that’s something a grown man shouldn’t mess with.”

“Why not? You thought it was okay once,” she demanded.

“Sixteen will get you twenty, as the lawyers like to say,” he explained.

“I see. You mean you did think I was attractive, but you knew I was off limits, so you didn’t call me even though you wanted to?” she asked.

“That’s about it,” he said. “You were beautiful then, and you are even more beautiful now. You have grown into a lovely woman, Tonya.”

“I’m not sixteen anymore,” she said.

“I don’t live far from here,” he said. “Would you like to see my apartment?”

“Do you still have ropes tied to your bed?” she asked.

“Yes, and I have acquired a few new toys as well,” he said.

“Then I would like to see your apartment,” she said. “I’m curious about whether or not you have improved the interior decoration.”

[H Dean]

Nancy, I have seen this and intend on getting to it as soon as I can. I am under the weather right now - sick as a dog - so concentrating on something like this ain't easy and I would probably give a horrible critique and offer horrible advice.

Luckily, we have others who, while nicer than I, can offer stellar advice.

[Dragon's muse]

Just to let you know i have seen this and will get to it first thing in the morning.
rose

[Dragon's muse]

Wow, nice. i'm impressed. You evoke emotion well without a lot of exposition. Competent dialogue. i look forward to reading more of you.

You have a fresh voice, and that makes the cliches here and there just pop right out. i will get your next assignment up today.

Now to the obligatory picking of the nits.

Nancy's First Assignment
Welcome to the block!

For your first assignment, craft a scene/chapter/story with the following opening.

Tonya was rummaging in her bag, looking for her ringing cell phone, when she bumped into the tall man. She looked up, annoyed, ready to offer a nominal apology. Her mind reeled; standing before her was the man who taken her virginity and never called her again.

--------------

Tonya was rummaging in her bag, looking for her ringing cell phone, when she bumped into the tall man. She looked up, annoyed, ready to offer a nominal apology. Her mind reeled; standing before her was the man who had taken her virginity and never called her again.

She just stood there, her stomach twisting with each insistent melody from the cell phone, which (maybe replace with "until it", just to improve flow.) finally stopped playing.

“Don’t I know you? You look familiar,” he said.

“Oh yes, you do know me,” Her voice was icy.

He stared at her face then looked up and down her body. “Let’s see. You must be Tonya. It has been quite a while, and you have changed.”

“Yes. It has been seven years, and I have grown up a bit,” she replied.

“There’s a Starbucks over there. May I buy you a coffee, Tonya?”

She hesitated, and then said, “I suppose so, if you really want to.”

Standing in line, she looked at the large menu on the wall behind the counter (delete)and told him she would like mocha. Then she excused herself to visit (delete)the ladies’ room.

Once inside the small unisex restroom she locked the door (Simplify to, "She locked the door to the small unisex restroom,")and leaned unsteadily against the wall, her heart pounding. She had to collect her thoughts and regain control over her emotions. She remembered her long-ago encounter with Rodger as though it were yesterday (bit of a cliche here, maybe find a way to rephrase.). She let the memory play in her mind as she tried to decide what she should do now.

---------------

Seven years ago, she had planned to attend a movie with a high-school girlfriend (maybe use a name here, to enhance the feel of memory.), who canceled at the last minute, so (replace with a semicolon.)she went alone. While the title and credits for the feature were flowing across the screen, a man settled into the empty seat beside her. His face seemed attractive in the dim light, and he was clearly older (delete, made clear in the next sentence). She guessed that he must be twice as old as she was (simplify to "her age"), which would make him 32. Her attention was divided between the developing plot on the screen and the strong masculine presence sitting beside her. His arm monopolized the armrest between them, but she tentatively put her arm on the edge beside his. When her bare skin touched his it was as though an electric charge ricocheted through her body. He didn’t seem to mind, so she left her arm there, lightly touching his, enjoying the erotic feel of it. From time to time she squirmed in her seat, moving her arm against his bare skin. After a while, her fingers lightly touched the back of his hand, and (replace with semicolon to increase emotional impact)he turned his hand over to gently grasp hers. Sitting in the dark, holding hands with an unknown man, she lost all interest in the movie playing on the screen. He twisted in his seat and moved his hand to her knee. An electric tingle flowed up her leg, but she didn’t move a muscle (again, a bit of a cliche -- rephrase)for a long time. Then (delete -- the reader will assume the story progresses in chronological order, so time tags are rarely necessary and often distracting) she pulled her skirt half way up her thighs and his hand followed it, lightly touching the inside of her thigh.

When the movie was over she walked behind him up the aisle and (delete)out into the bright sunlight. Just to add a little oomph, what was going through her mind here, is she confused, scolding herself for allowing this to happen, telling herself to run away, but not quite able to? Let us into her head a little here.) She stood still as he stepped back and stared at her, with a quizzical look, as though trying to make up his mind.

“I don’t live far from here,” he said. “Would you like to see my apartment?”

“Yes, I would,” she answered.

The three-room apartment was spacious and decorated in a stark, utilitarian style. The white walls of the living room were bare; there was a maroon leather couch and a matching chair and ottoman. The sturdy maple coffee table had nothing on top ("was bare."), and there were no decorations, flowers or other frills anywhere to be seen. He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her against him. When he kissed her, she did not respond, and she pulled away when he forced his tongue between her lips. (She didn't respond to his kiss, and pulled away when he forced his tongue between her lips.)

“You’re trembling like a leaf,” he said. “Is this your first time?”

“Yes, it is, and I think I had better be going.”

“The first time is special. You need someone with experience to guide you,” he said. “Let me be your tutor. I will lead the way; and (delete) all you have to do is follow along and experience the ecstasy. “

She didn’t respond, but neither did she head for the door. He opened the top button of her blouse. She did not interfere, so he continued with the rest. He pulled the blouse out of her skirt, pushed it down her arms, and folded it neatly on the couch. He found the clasp at the side of her skirt, opened it, pulled down the zipper, and let the skirt fall around her ankles. She lifted one foot and then the other, letting him remove the skirt and put it on the couch with her blouse. She moved one leg modestly in front of the other and tried to cover her body with her arms.

“You are beautiful,” he said. “Don’t try to hide it. I want to see you. Hold your hands behind your back and move your feet apart.”

She obeyed, and stood before him meekly in her white bra and panties, while he quickly removed his shirt, pants and shoes. He had a patch of dark hair on his chest and a bulge in his blue boxer shorts.

“Now, we are both in our underwear,” he said, “but you still have your shoes on.”

He watched lasciviously as she pushed the loafers off her feet and lifted one leg and then the other to remove her socks.

“Now let me show you how to kiss,” he said. “Come here and put your hands on my shoulders.”

She did as she was told, and he put his arms around her and pulled her body firmly against his.

“We start with the lips and then with the tongue. Open your mouth when I do,” he instructed.

He kissed her gently on the lips then flicked his tongue over her lips in a teasing way. When he pushed it between her lips, she opened her mouth and touched her tongue against his. He rotated his hips against hers and she responded in the same way, pushing her pubis against him. The passionate kiss continued until he pushed her away.

“You are a fast learner, my dear,” he smiled.

“You are a good teacher, Sir,” she said.

He took her hand and led her into the bedroom, which contained only a chest, a chair and a bed with a headboard but no footboard. The black-metal headboard had vertical bars, and a length of white-nylon rope was tied to the frame on each side.

He reached behind her, opened the clasp of her bra and pulled it off her shoulders. He ran his fingers over the firm, youthful breasts. He smiled as the small pink nipples responded assiduously when he teased them with his fingernails. He pushed her panties down her legs, and when she stepped out of them, he guided her gently onto the bed. He removed his boxer shorts, and she saw the erect penis for the first time. Although she had no basis for comparison, it was larger than she had expected.

They were close together on the bed as he explored her body with his fingertips. He knew where to touch, and soon she was twisting her hips and making soft purring sounds.

“Is there something that I should be doing now, teacher?” she asked.(is her voice a little strained, breathless perhaps? You can use the dialogue tags to convey emotion building)

“Not this time,” he said. “Just relax and let me do it all. In fact, it will help you if you let me tie your hands to show that you are not expected to do anything.”

When she didn’t respond, he pulled one of her wrists to the headboard and fastened it with the waiting rope. (Again, what is going on in her mind while this is happening, is she a little afraid. Part of keeping interest in a story is making it happen to people we care about. You make us care about them, by letting us in on their thought processes.) He repeated the move with her other wrist. As she lay on her back with arms spread, he got on his knees, flicked his tongue over her erect nipples, and let his fingers play in her pubic hair. Soon she was twisting, panting, and pulling against the ropes. Then he was gone.

Then she experienced something that was burned into her memory. Although it lasted only a minute, the emotion was intense. Over the past seven years she had played it over many times in her mind as she lay squirming in her bed.

She felt hands grasp her ankles and (replace with a semicolon)she saw Rodger standing at the foot of the bed. Holding her feet together, he pulled on her ankles until her arms were tightly stretched and the ropes bit into her wrists. She was mesmerized by his muscular body with its erect penis, but the penis seemed to be different from before in a strange way. She had never seen a condom, and, in fact, she didn’t know what they were for. She watched his eyes roam up and down her body, and she could only imagine what she must look like to him. (replace with a dash) A naked girl, bound with her arms spread wide, helpless, ready and available. Roger gave her ankles another firm tug then spread her legs wide apart. He held them there for a moment, savoring her exposed pussy, and then he climbed onto the bed between her open legs. Gently, patiently he slowly slid his penis into her well-lubricated vagina. After a while he rolled off of her, panting and gasping for breath. (A little more detail here)
He twisted around and laid his head on her breast, looking into her eyes. “Did you like that, dear?”

“Oh god, yes,” she whispered.

“This is only the first lesson, dear. You still have a lot to learn. A lot to experience,” he said.

“I want to experience it, Sir, and you are a wonderful teacher.”

They continued to chat for some time, and then he untied her wrists and told her to get dressed. When she was ready to leave she asked when she would see him again. He said he would call her and she wrote her number on two pieces of paper in case he lost one. She never heard from him again. She visited his apartment building several times, but he did not answer his bell.

In the year that followed, she became an easy conquest, searching for that special feeling that she had experienced with Rodger; but she didn’t find it. The boys that she dated were naive, inexperienced and interested only in themselves.

---------------------------

In the Starbucks restroom she combed her hair and fixed her makeup. She was back in control. She could face him now.

She joined him at a small table, and he pushed the paper container of mocha over to her.

“It’s nice to see you again, Tonya. How have you been these last few years?” he asked.

“Why didn’t you call me?” She had decided to confront him with it right out.

“I thought about it, but I knew you were too young. I never should have done that to you. I certainly hope that it didn’t cause you any problems,” his voice was apologetic.

“I lived with it. But what made you decide that I was too young all of a sudden?” she asked.

“You were only sixteen,” he said, “and that’s something a grown man shouldn’t mess with.”

“Why not? You thought it was okay once,” she demanded.

“Sixteen will get you twenty, as the lawyers like to say,” he explained.

“I see. You mean you did think I was attractive, but you knew I was off limits, so you didn’t call me even though you wanted to?” she asked.

“That’s about it,” he said. “You were beautiful then, and you are even more beautiful now. You have grown into a lovely woman, Tonya.”

“I’m not sixteen anymore,” she said.

“I don’t live far from here,” he said. “Would you like to see my apartment?”

“Do you still have ropes tied to your bed?” she asked.

“Yes, and I have acquired a few new toys as well,” he said.

“Then I would like to see your apartment,” she said. “I’m curious about whether or not you have improved the interior decoration.”

[John56{vg}]

Nancy,

Great Job! I look forward to reading more. Welcome to the Block.

[Rhabbi]

Nancy's First Assignment
Tonya was rummaging in her bag, looking for her ringing cell phone, when she bumped into the tall man. She looked up, annoyed, ready to offer a nominal apology. Her mind reeled; standing before her was the man who had taken her virginity and never called her again.

She just stood there, her stomach twisting with each insistent melody from the cell phone, which finally stopped playing.

“Don’t I know you? You look familiar,” he said.

“Oh yes, you do know me,” Her voice was icy.

He stared at her face then looked up and down her body. “Let’s see. You must be Tonya. It has been quite a while, and you have changed.”

“Yes. It has been seven years, and I have grown up a bit,” she replied.

“There’s a Starbucks over there. May I buy you a coffee, Tonya?”

She hesitated, and then said, “I suppose so, if you really want to.”

Standing in line, she looked at the large menu on the wall behind the counter and told him she would like mocha. Then she excused herself to visit the ladies’ room.

Once inside the small unisex restroom she locked the door and leaned unsteadily against the wall, her heart pounding. She had to collect her thoughts and regain control over her emotions. She remembered her long-ago encounter with Rodger as though it were yesterday. She let the memory play in her mind as she tried to decide what she should do now.

---------------

Seven years ago, she had planned to attend a movie with a high-school girlfriend, who canceled at the last minute, so she went alone. While the title and credits for the feature were flowing across the screen, a man settled into the empty seat beside her. His face seemed attractive in the dim light, and he was clearly older. She guessed that he must be twice as old as she was, which would make him 32. Her attention was divided between the developing plot on the screen and the strong masculine presence sitting beside her. His arm monopolized the armrest between them, but she tentatively put her arm on the edge beside his. When her bare skin touched his it was as though an electric charge ricocheted through her body. He didn’t seem to mind, so she left her arm there, lightly touching his, enjoying the erotic feel of it. From time to time, she squirmed in her seat, moving her arm against his bare skin. After a while her fingers lightly touched the back of his hand, I find this a bit awkward. I think you should rephrase it. Perhaps: "She touched the back of his hand lightly, and he turned his hand over to gently graspSplit infinitive here, nasty things keep popping up in my writing too. hers. Sitting in the dark, holding hands with an unknown man, she lost all interest in the movie playing on the screen. He twisted in his seat and moved his hand to her knee. An electric tingle flowed up her leg, but she didn’t move a muscle for a long time. Then she pulled her skirt half way up her thighs and his hand followed it, lightly touching the inside of her thigh.

When the movie was over, she walked behind him up the aisle and out into the bright sunlight. She stood still as he stepped back and stared at her with a quizzical look, as though trying to make up his mind.

“I don’t live far from here,” he said. “Would you like to see my apartment?”

“Yes, I would,” she answered.

The three-room apartment was spacious and decorated in a stark utilitarian style. The white walls of the living room were bare; there was a maroon leather couch and a matching chair and ottoman. The sturdy maple coffee table had nothing on top, and there were no decorations, flowers or other frills anywhere to be seen. He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her against him. When he kissed her, she did not respond, and she pulled away when he forced his tongue between her lips.

“You’re trembling like a leaf,” he said. “Is this your first time?”

“Yes it is, and I think I had better be going.”

“The first time is special. You need someone with experience to guide you,” he said. “Let me be your tutor. I will lead the way and all you have to do is follow along and experience the ecstasy. “

She didn’t respond, but neither did she head for the door. He opened the top button of her blouse. She did not interfere, so he continued with the rest. He pulled the blouse out of her skirt, pushed it down her arms, and folded it neatly on the couch. He found the clasp at the side of her skirt, opened it, pulled down the zipper, and let the skirt fall around her ankles. She lifted one foot and then the other, letting him remove the skirt and put it on the couch with her blouse. She moved one leg modestly in front of the other and tried to cover her body with her arms.

“You are beautiful,” he said. “Don’t try to hide it. I want to see you. Hold your hands behind your back and move your feet apart.”

She obeyed, and stood before him meekly in her white bra and panties, while he quickly removed his shirt, pants and shoes. He had a patch of dark hair on his chest and a bulge in his blue boxer shorts.

“Now we are both in our underwear,” he said, “but you still have your shoes on.”

He watched lasciviously as she pushed the loafers off her feet and lifted one leg and then the other to remove her socks.

“Now let me show you how to kiss,” he said. “Come here and put your hands on my shoulders.”

She did as she was told, and he put his arms around her and pulled her body firmly against his.

“We start with the lips and then with the tongue. Open your mouth when I do,” he instructed.

He kissed her gently on the lips then flicked his tongue over her lips in a teasing way. When he pushed it between her lips, she opened her mouth and touched her tongue against his. He rotated his hips against hers and she responded in the same way, pushing her pubis against him. The passionate kiss continued until he pushed her away.

“You are a fast learner, my dear,” he smiled.

“You are a good teacher, Sir,” she said.

He took her hand and led her into the bedroom, which contained only a chest, a chair and a bed with a headboard but no footboard. The black-metal headboard had vertical bars, and a length of white-nylon rope was tied to the frame on each side.

He reached behind her, opened the clasp of her bra, and pulled it off her shoulders. He ran his fingers over the firm, youthful breasts. He smiled as the small pink nipples responded assiduously when he teased them with his fingernails. He pushed her panties down her legs, and when she stepped out of them, he guided her gently onto the bed. He removed his boxer shorts, and she saw the erect penis for the first time. Although she had no basis for comparison, it was larger than she had expected.

They were close together on the bed as he explored her body with his fingertips. He knew where to touch, and soon she was twisting her hips and making soft purring sounds.

“Is there something that I should be doing now, teacher?” she asked.

“Not this time,” he said. “Just relax and let me do it all. In fact, it will help you if you let me tie your hands to show that you are not expected to do anything.”

When she didn’t respond, he pulled one of her wrists to the headboard and fastened it with the waiting rope. He repeated the move with her other wrist. As she lay on her back with arms spread, he got on his knees, flicked his tongue over her erect nipples, and let his fingers play in her pubic hair. Soon she was twisting, panting, and pulling against the ropes. Then he was gone.

Then she experienced something that was burned into her memory. Although it lasted only a minute, the emotion was intense. Over the past seven years she had played it over many times in her mind as she lay squirming in her bed.Another awkward sentence. Perhaps: Over the last seven years she often found herself reliving it as she writhed on her bed.

She felt hands grasp her ankles and she saw Rodger standing at the foot of the bed. Holding her feet together, he pulled on her ankles until her arms were tightly stretched and the ropes bit into her wrists. She was mesmerized by his muscular body His muscular body mesmerized her with its erect penis, but the penis seemed to be different from before in a strange way. She had never seen a condom, and, in fact, she didn’t know what they were for. She watched his eyes roam up and down her body, and she could only imagine what she must look like to him. A naked girl, bound with her arms spread wide, helpless, ready and available. Roger gave her ankles another firm tug then spread her legs wide apart. He held them there for a moment, savoring her exposed pussy, and then he climbed onto the bed between her open legs. Gently, patiently he slowly slid his penis into her well-lubricated vagina. After a whileYou have a habit of adding time elements in a way that makes the story just a touch off pace. He moved inside of her and then convulsed, then he rolled off of her, panting and gasping for breath.

He twisted around and laid his head on her breast, looking into her eyes. “Did you like that, dear?”

“Oh god, yes,” she whispered.

“This is only the first lesson, dear. You still have a lot to learn. A lot to experience,” he said.

“I want to experience it, Sir, and you are a wonderful teacher.”

They continued to chat for some time, and then he untied her wrists and told her to get dressed. When she was ready to leave, she asked when she would see him again. He said he would call her and she wrote her number on two pieces of paper in case he lost one. She never heard from him again. She visited his apartment building several times, but he did not answer his bell.

In the year that followed, she became an easy conquest, searching for that special feeling that she had experienced with Rodger; but she didn’t find it. The boys that she dated were naive, inexperienced, there is some debate about whether you need a comma here, and it would depend on which manual and editor you have as a reference. The instructor for the next level always corrects to including a comma here so I do that also. and interested only in themselves.

---------------------------

In the Starbucks restroom, she combed her hair and fixed her makeup. She was back in control. She could face him now.

She joined him at a small table, and he pushed the paper container of mocha over to her.

“It’s nice to see you again, Tonya. How have you been these last few years?” he asked.

“Why didn’t you call me?” She had decided to confront him with it right out.

“I thought about it, but I knew you were too young. I never should have done that to you. I certainly hope that it didn’t cause you any problems,” his voice was apologetic.

“I lived with it. But what made you decide that I was too young all of a sudden?” she asked.

“You were only sixteen,” he said, “and that’s something a grown man shouldn’t mess with.”

“Why not? You thought it was okay once,” she demanded.

“Sixteen will get you twenty, as the lawyers like to say,” he explained.

“I see. You mean you did think I was attractive, but you knew I was off limits, so you didn’t call me even though you wanted to?” she asked.

“That’s about it,” he said. “You were beautiful then, and you are even more beautiful now. You have grown into a lovely woman, Tonya.”

“I’m not sixteen anymore,” she said.

“I don’t live far from here,” he said. “Would you like to see my apartment?”

“Do you still have ropes tied to your bed?” she asked.

“Yes, and I have acquired a few new toys as well,” he said.

“Then I would like to see your apartment,” she said. “I’m curious about whether or not you have improved the interior decoration.”

Over all a very nice story. The few nits I was are minor, and indicate that you have a good grasp of writing fundamentals, something I still struggle with. Keep up the good work.

[nancy]

Thank you, thank you, rose. That is one of the most helpful edits I have ever received. I have printed it out, and will use it to revise the story. I don't plan to do anything with this story, but revising it will help reinforce your good advice.

One of my teachers said that, after writing a story, I should go through it and take out as many words as possible without changing the meaning. I did that with this story, and I thought it was lean. So I was surprised that you found quite a few additional words to remove. Your example will be helpful to me on my next assignment.

In your initial comment you mentioned cliches, and I thought you must be thinking of Rogers comment "You're shaking like a leaf." I left that in because I thought it would be okay in a quotation. Surprise! You agreed. But you found two other cliches that I had missed. I guess the adage is right: cliches are a dime a dozen.

The Writer's Block has been very friendly and helpful, and I am glad to be here.

nancy

[nancy]

Thank you, thank you, Rhabbi. You posted your comments while I was responding to rose, and I was surprised to see them above my response. Much of what I said to rose also applies to your edit. Thank you for the helpful advice.

nancy

[Rhabbi]

Thank you, thank you, Rhabbi. You posted your comments while I was responding to rose, and I was surprised to see them above my response. Much of what I said to rose also applies to your edit. Thank you for the helpful advice.

nancy

She actually poster her edit while I was doing mine. Happens a lot here.

[Dragon's muse]

Thank you, thank you, rose. That is one of the most helpful edits I have ever received. I have printed it out, and will use it to revise the story. I don't plan to do anything with this story, but revising it will help reinforce your good advice.

One of my teachers said that, after writing a story, I should go through it and take out as many words as possible without changing the meaning. I did that with this story, and I thought it was lean. So I was surprised that you found quite a few additional words to remove. Your example will be helpful to me on my next assignment.

In your initial comment you mentioned cliches, and I thought you must be thinking of Rogers comment "You're shaking like a leaf." I left that in because I thought it would be okay in a quotation. Surprise! You agreed. But you found two other cliches that I had missed. I guess the adage is right: cliches are a dime a dozen.

The Writer's Block has been very friendly and helpful, and I am glad to be here.

nancy

And we should always avoid cliches like the plaque.

Cliches do work better in dialogue, precisely because they are used a lot in conversation. That's how they got to be cliches, after all. In narrative and exposition, though, we can usually find a better way to phrase it.

rose

[H Dean]

I have gone over this story a bit, sick as I am (sympathy pause) and I must agree that it is pretty well done. I suppose I could do the nit-picking that I am prone to but that would require work that I am not willing to do right now. Mostly 'cause my eyes feel like they are about to pop out of my head. Really, I can't concentrate well enough to offer anything. Besides that, it looks like it was pretty well covered.

Good job guys. Now, it's time for a sneezing fit.

[Dragon's muse]

*Passing Mr. Dean a box of tissues, a bottle of vitamin C and arnica root tablets, and a very strong hot toddy*

[nancy]

I am so sorry to hear that Mr. Dean is not feeling well. You have my deepest sympathy, Sir. I am still sorry that you are sick, even though it saved me from your reputed harshness. Get well quick, since I just posted my second assignment.

nancy