Austerus' First Assignment

[Rhabbi]

Ok...Here it is, sorry for the wait. I worked three objects in, but the 1989 date book was pretty much the inspirational catalyst (you'll see why as you read.) I hope you enjoy the story

1989
Jessie Jacobs was an ambitious woman, and it showed. At 30 she had an MBA, What is an MBA? Yes, I know, but does everyone who will potentially read your story? It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that, but it is not always true. Try to spell out abbreviations for those who might not know. was the VP of Mergers and Acquisitions at a major corporation, and was pulling in more in stock options and MBOs This one I had to look up. After reading the definition I made a guess that this is a bonus pay for executives, but I am unfamiliar with this tier of life, and thus uncomfortable with your story. Not a good way to win over the average reader. than many executives in their fifties. A lifetime of planning, hard work, and drive had gotten Jessie to where she was today, and she was ecstatic as she pulled her Mercedes up Nick's long, private drive. The little bastard had finally caved to the pressure, and she was finally going to get the top spot at the company.

Nick was a “nice guy,” a little too nice, really. Making these changes makes the second sentence from a fragment to part of the first, and it flows better. And I would leave off the quotes. He was smart, in a technical way, and he had made at least one good decision, she thought to herself. When his company was starting up, he never sold a controlling interest, despite some very generous offers from eager venture capitalists. When the corporation finally succeeded, Nick was still in charge of the whole thing. CEO Another abbreviation., Chairman of the Board, and majority shareholder of the hottest up-and-coming suppliers of high-end encryption/decryption equipment.

The problem was, Jessie had long ago decided, that Nick had no vision. Nick was a techie who liked playing with toys. The success of the company seemed to be tertiary to him. “Having fun is what it's all about.” He must have said that a thousand times. Each time Jessie had to work a little harder to keep herself from screaming at the little putz. Didn't he realize this company was a goldmine? There was no end to the money that could be made if he would just let the company stretch its wings.

Nick always wanted to play it safe though, didn't want the company to grow too quickly. He shut down so many proposals for global expansion, for marketing in other countries, that half of the executive staff was locked in a state of frustration. He kept complaining about the chances for the technology to “fall into the wrong hands” or “national security issues” as if the rest of them were children. As if they didn't know how to run a company in a way that would keep those problems from happening in the first place.

Jessie had grabbed and held tightly to her patience. She had forged her alliances, made her friends. Ingratiating herself where she could, a favor here, a threat there, a bit of bullying or a well-placed bribe...none of these were unfamiliar to Jesse in her quest for a corporate coup. And now, delete finally, it was all coming together. The pressure had been on Nick from all quarters to expand more aggressively, and Jessie knew Nick wasn't hungry enough anymore. He wasn't enjoying the culture of the company as it grew, and after all “having fun is what it's all about.” She knew he was looking for a replacement to run the day-to-day, and she had made certain that she was the only logical choice for the position. Once she had the chair, she knew she would be able to turn the company into a world[COLOR="Red"]-/COLOR]class player in no time at all. In fact, she already had the deals set up.

Her patience had been wearing thin but finally, finally I understand you want to emphasize this thought, but you are making a mistake hear. You are righting third person omniscient, but this only works in first person. today Nick had made the call. She replayed the voice mail again and again This is a little trickier. Either delete this, or change the structure of the sentences to accommodate the fact that she is continuously thinking about this. in her head. “Hey Jessie, I need to make a few changes with the management structure, and I think I have the perfect opportunity in mind for you. Why don't you come by the house for dinner tonight and I will present you with an offer?” Finally.again you need to be aware of the voice and how to emphasize. Today it all pays off.

She checked herself in the car's vanity mirror, smiled at her own reflection, and stepped out of the car toward her moment of triumph.

=========================

Jessie only had to wait a couple moments after pressing the buzzer before Nick's voice came through the speaker, crystal clear. “Hey Jessie, that you?”

She girded herself for one more evening of making nice, pretending she enjoyed these “casual dinners” Nick always insisted on rather than proper meetings. That was something that would change when Jessie was in charge. You can't run a multinational like a startup after all. She took a deep breath, and carefully kept her frustration out of her voice. “Yeah Nick, it's me. Expecting a lot of people tonight?”

A laugh came through the speaker. “No way, just you and me. Come on in, I'm in the kitchen doing some prep work for dinner.”

Jessie smiled to herself as she opened the door, striding into the house and through the main hall. Just the two of them meant that this was not a strategy meeting for the whole team. One on one.I would delete this. Her time really was here. She plastered a smile on her face as she moved through the opulent dining room and into the brightly lit kitchen. “Hey Nick, what are you cooking?”

Nick turned around from a pile of half chopped tomatoes and smiled. “Hey Jessie, just working on a new bruschetta recipe. I thought we would go with something simple tonight.”

Jessie dropped her purse on one of the kitchen chairs and walked over to where Nick had already returned to chopping vegetables. She knew she should be patient, but...”so what's the big mystery today Nick?”

He turned to her and grin, waving her off. “None of that now! We're busy cooking, and cooking is time for fun, not for business. We'll talk about business later while we eat. Remember, having fun is...”

“...what it's all about,” Jessie finished for him, trying hard to keep the mockery out of her voice. “Yeah I know, just eager to hear about the new plans boss. Well...can I help with any of the cooking?”

Nick cast a glance around at the piles of chopped vegetables and cheeses for a moment, biting his lip. “No, don't sweat it, I think I have everything under control. Go have a seat, and pour yourself a glass of wine.”

Jessie started back across the room to the table. It took everything she had not to scream at him for an explanation. Didn't he know she had important things to do? She had a destiny, and all Nick cared about was his stupid cooking. Why didn't he just hire a chef anyway?

As she reached the table Nick turned. “I thought of something you can do,” he said, pointing to the large fern hanging from the ceiling near the table. “Would you pull that beast down off the hook and water it for me? It's been a while since it has gotten any attention, and I'm afraid it must be just about dried out.”

Jessie looked up at the fern, rolling her eyes. She was a VP for shit's sake, not a gardener. “Sure Nick,” she said, trying to keep the exasperation out of her voice. “Where's your watering can?”

Nick shrugged his shoulders sheepishly and motioned toward the sink with the vegetable knife in his hand. “Oh, don't sweat the can. If you could just carry it over there to the sink and run a bit of water into it, that would be great.”

Jessie held in an annoyed retort, and instead sighed quietly to herself. Just humor him for one more day, she told herself. After tonight, you will have what you want. Standing on her tiptoes, she managed to reach up to the pot containing the fern, and she carefully detached and lowered the heavy plant. She set the planter carefully in the sink, and started running the tap. “Nick how much water does this thing Nee...”

As she spoke, a small black book sailed over her shoulder, landing on the counter to her side with a thump. The unexpected motion surprised her, silencing her, but as her brain registered what book was next to her on the counter her blood went cold, freezing her in place. As she processed what was in front of her an arm snaked around her, and a wet cloth snapped over her mouth and nose, pressing tight.

A small, well-worn date book...

She struggled, trying to hold her breath, but she was pinned hard to the counter by Nick's body behind her. The the (extra the here) hand around her body rapped hard on her solar plexus, forcing the air out of her lungs. A chemical stench invaded her nostrils as she gasped in a lungful of air.

Lettering in gold on the black leather cover...

Her vision swam, the sound of the struggle seeming to grow fainter, more distant, as a floating feeling enveloped her. She felt her muscles begin to slacken, and the reflection of light from the lettering on the book seemed to take on a shimmering quality.

1989...a date book from 1989...shit...

Her consciousness slid away from her.

=============================

Jessie came to slowly, her head pounding. She felt as though she were waking up after a night of hard drinking, her mouth dry, her entire body sore. She groaned in pain as she began to wake, trying to remember what she had done last night.

She slowly became aware of her surroundings...wherever she was it was dark, and she couldn't see a thing. She tried to bring her hands up to rub at her tired eyes, but found that her arms wouldn't move...now she could feel the tight ropes wound about her wrists and elbows, forcing her arms painfully back behind her. She let out a yelp of shock, but it came out muffled, and she realized that there was a large rubber ball in her mouth, stretching her jaw wide and silencing her cries. A startled shift in the chair bought her one more piece of information as her bottom rubbed against the cool wood...she was naked. What the hell?

As the terror gathered in her, she bolted upright, planning to run. Where she would run to in this darkness, she didn't know, but anything had to be better than sitting around and waiting. Just as she got her feet under her, though (delete) she felt a sharp tug on her wrists. Jessie didn't manage to take a single step before her arms were pulled up high behind her back, the uneven clanking of a rope moving through a pulley accompanying the sudden upward pressure. As she whipped her head around, trying to see something, anything, she felt the cloth that was tight over her face, the elastic around the back of her head. A blindfold.

Twisting and turning she tried to free her hands, but they were too tightly bound. She whimpered in pain as her wrists were drawn higher, finally leaning forward to relieve the pressure on her shoulders. Another yank on the rope tied to her hands drew a muffled whine from behind her gag, and she leaned her body down further. Finally, as her upper body stretched parallel to the floor with her arms up high in the air behind her, the rope stopped pulling. She let out another muffled screech of outrage, trying to shift to a different position, attempting to free her arms, but even the slightest movement put worrisome strain on her shoulders. She stopped quickly as she felt more than heard the ominous creaking from her tendons, a gasp of pain escaping from her flared nostrils.

She stopped moving, trying to take stock of her situation. What had happened? She had to figure out what was going on, there must be a way out of this. The calm only lasted for a couple of seconds, and she started thrashing against her bonds again, muffled screams dying vibrations playing themselves out against the inside of the gag in her mouth.

“Wow Jessie,” came Nick's voice from the dark. “I think you'd better calm down. I'd hate for you to hurt yourself struggling like that. Jessie cocked her head to the side, trying to pinpoint Nick's location. Maybe she could...yes, she would figure out where he was, kick him hard, and escape while he was disabled. She stayed very still, straining her ears for any noise.

“Better, better,” said Nick in an amused voice. “You know, I do like that fern but I have to say I like you hanging from there even better. That's one hell of a kitchen decoration you make.” There. She had him. She carefully shifted her balance to one foot, and lashed out with the other at the place where she knew he was, but she connected with nothing but air. She lost her balance and her weight came down on her shoulders, drawing a grunt of pain from her before she managed to regain her feet, breathing heavily.

Nick made a clucked at her disapprovingly. “Now was that a nice thing to do Jessie?” She heard a sound like tearing paper, and pain exploded in a white hot line over her exposed ass as something thwacked into it with a meaty sound. She let a wail out into the gag, and another paper tore, another stripe of fire lanced through her, this time across her upper thighs.

Jessie began to struggle in earnest, trying to find a way to get leverage, to get her hands free, to...another slice across her ass drove all thought out of her head, leaving her weeping into the blindfold. Her ass moved on its own now, trying to escape the scalding pain that was being rained down upon it, her sobs becoming one long, grunting wail as whatever Nick was holding ripped through the air, and her flesh. Again and again.

By the time Nick stopped she was making nothing more than tiny grunts each time he struck her bottom, her ass now covered with a tracery of fire, her hips sliding back and forth on their own as her bottom tried to escape the pain of the fire that had been embedded in her flesh. “Whew,” said Nick in a merry voice. “Takes quite a bit of work to calm you down eh?” She heard the feet of a chair scraping out from the table in front of her, and heard Nick drop his weight down onto the seat. “Now that you've decided to be good, we'll talk. Dinner's not ready yet, so I only have a few minutes before I have to go finish, but that's not a problem is it?”

She waited, trying to get her crying under control, and heard the tearing sound again for a split second before pain exploded through her hanging, helpless breast with a meaty thwack, setting the soft flesh jiggling. A fresh scream bubbled up from her throat to her gagged mouth. “Jessie, I asked you a question. That isn't going to be a problem is it?” She shook her head violently from side to side.

“Excellent. Now here's the thing. You know I don't want to be involved in the day-to-day of the company anymore. It's just really too much of a hassle. I...oh, wait, forgot something.” She heard a small click, and suddenly there was a gentle, pulsing vibration against her pussy. Jessie started struggling again, startled by the new sensation, till her right breast exploded in pain with another strike. “Now you need to stop struggling there Jessie. This isn't going to be the best conversation in your life, and I'm trying to give you a little compensation there on your pussy. But if you keep straining, you're going to hurt yourself.”

Jessie managed to still her writhing upper body, taking deep, shuddering breaths through her nose and trying not to think about the burning pain in her ass and breasts. “Again, better. I knew you were a smart girl! Now where was I? Ah right...wanted to get out of the day-to-day. You know, when I was looking for a replacement, there was only one real answer? Only one person at the company had the vision and the talent to manage things after I got out, and that was you!” She felt a finger stroke gently down the line of her jaw and tried to pull away, tried to keep her mind in the game, away from her ass, the fire in her tits, the tingling in her pu...No, not that. She had to keep her head in the game, find a way out of this.

“I always liked the way you kept all your old date books, Jessie. I thought it was such an impressive sign of your organizational skills that you still had your life mapped out going back to the 1980s. I mean wow, that's dedication right?” A hand reached up underneath her and cupped a breast, finger and thumb rolling her nipple gently between them. She screamed mentally at her breast, telling the nipple not to respond, but it hardened all the same under the gentle touch, taking her mind off the pain in her ass, the growing moisture in her...no, no. That wasn't happening, she wouldn't allow it. Not like this.

“So there I was...getting ready to step down and hand the company over to your,” a quick squeeze of her cheek between thumb and forefinger, “capable attentions. I probably shouldn't have looked in your office, invasion of privacy and all that, but I did. I wanted to get one last feel for who you were before I turned my work over to you.” His finger let loose her cheek, his palm cupping her jaw and then sliding slowly down, forefinger tracing the line of the pulsing vein in her neck. She could barely concentrate on his words. The pain in her arms, the stress in her spasming back, the...no. The pain. That was what was distracting her.

“I thought to myself,” he continued seemingly oblivious to her internal struggle, “I should look at one of Jessie's old books. She always guards them so jealously, but let's find out what Jessie's life was so full of when she was, say...12 years old. I grabbed your book for 1989, and do you know what I found?” The finger had traced down to her nipple, and the tip of his finger traced lightly around it. She held her breath, not wanting to answer, but he caught the nipple between the knuckles of two fingers and twisted brutally. “I asked if you knew what I found, Jessie?” he asked again, sounding amused as she whimpered, shaking her head from side to side.

“Well...I found that at age 12 you were a very busy girl Jessie! So many important meetings with important people!” He released her nipple, causing her to hiss into the gag at the sudden absence, spittle beginning to drool out around her gag. “Imagine a 12 year old girl having meetings with the likes of the Sardon Group, and with Sikes & Fay. That's high powered business for a little girl isn't it?” She shook her head again violently, dread seeping through her, knowing where this was headed. She had to deny it, had to find a way to get out of this, but god the feeling in her pus...no, no, think Jessie. Make a plan.

“So there You like to say so there, but it detracts from the story just a bit when you repaet phrases.I was, thinking about why a 12 year old would have meetings with such people, and I had a revelation. Do you know what that was Jessie?” She whimpered, tentatively shaking her head, knowing that he knew she was lying, praying that he would not hit her again. Apparently, he was having too much fun though, and he just chuckled. “Well, I'll tell you. I think you are going to like this.” His chair creaked as he leaned, and she felt his lips next to her ear, his breath hot against her ear. “I realized,” he whispered to her, “that the calendar for 1989 is identical to the calendar for 2006.” He straightened again, reaching out and ruffling her hair as she slumped. “Crazy huh? Identical! So that got me thinking, maybe you -didn't- talk to those people when you were 12. Could it be that my favorite young executive had been speaking to all those people just last year?”

Jessie shook her head violently again, heart racing. Ok, this was bad. This was really bad. But if she could just get him to let her speak she could talk her way out of it, she could...juices dripping down her leg, the throbbing vibration on clit sending tendrils of heat through her entire bod...No! Wait him out, get the gag off, convince him.

Nick stood, walking slowly around her bent, trembling form. He traced his fingernails over the welts on her ass, causing her to squeal and try to shift her hips away, which forced the vibrator more firmly against her clit, her entire body sagging with a groan. “You know,” Nick mused, “I think that might make sense. But...uh oh...didn't Sardon give a junk rating to SynerCorp just before we bought them last year? Now that I think of it, didn't we snap up TenDyne just after a bridge loan for short term operations they had all set up with Sikes & Fay fall through? Wow, coincidence huh? I mean...this is the kind of thing the SEC might take an interest in, don't you think?”

She shook her head vehemently no, trying to defend herself through the gag. Nothing but muffled grunting and drool made it between her lips, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes again. But maybe he didn't know about...

“Ah, and one -very- disturbing thing here Jessie. You met with Al Arnaya quite a few times last year. Now, you know I'm not big in politics, but weren't they placed on a terrorist watch list by Homeland Security a few years back?” The tears broke loose in her eyes, great having sobs wracking her body as she hung helpless before her tormentor. She had been so careful; she had just wanted to be somebody, just wanted success for the company. If only she could explain it to him, he would have to understand.

“I mean, in good conscience, I don't know if I can keep this information from Homeland Security Jessie. Have you been planning to sell encryption software to terrorists?” She lied, shaking her head no. The idiot, those Arab companies would pay top dollar and would be the catalyst to take the company worldwide! Once the Arabs had it, no other country in the world could afford not to have their products.

“Are you sure? You don't look sure Jessie. Do you feel like taking an extraordinary rendition trip?” He slid his palm over her glowing bottom, making her screech again, but she shook her head vehemently no. “You want to keep working for me at the company?” he asked, his voice all false warmth and concern.

She nodded her head yes. She would find a way to get out of this, just play along. “And you'll be a good girl?” She nodded again. She would just have to get that book back. Once she had her date book back, the connections would be harder to make. She could plant evidence sending the trail of impropriety to Nick. Sanders and Tillmen would back her story against Nick, they could...

“Now before you get any ideas about being a bad girl again Jessie, keep in mind that I've not only got copies of the book, but I've gotten confessions from Sanders and Tillman. They were both more than happy to give you up in exchange for my not reporting them to DHS. They did leave their positions at the company though, and even voluntarily left their stock options on the table, if you can believe it?” She slumped, feeling defeat weigh down on her like a pile of stones. Her crying increased in volume, tiny, wretched sounding little sobs tearing through her, the blindfold now soaked with tears and dripping them to the floor beneath her.

“Now, you be good. I just need to toss these things in the toaster oven for a few minutes, and then we will be ready to eat!” He gave a pinch to one of the welts on her ass, and moved off across the kitchen. She heard the door of the toaster oven, the metallic screech of a poorly oiled tray being slid out. She stood, bent, her aching breasts swinging below her with each movement, her red, stinging ass in the air, trying vainly to find a comfortable position for her feet, to relieve even a little of the throbbing pain in her shoulders.

The toaster oven's clock started ticking loudly in counterpoint to the buzzing of the vibrator. The buzzing that seemed to reach from her cunt up through her entire body to her back teeth, piling even more heat onto her abused body, shortening her breath to little gasps through her nose. The feeling overtook her, building slowly, teasing, the feeling mixing with the pain in her breasts, her ass, her legs, her shoulders. Her world reduced to nothing but that feeling as the pressure built, that growing tightness, the explosion waiting to happen, coming so soon, and...

She was shocked out of her trance-like state, and away from the edge of n orgasm, by the toaster oven's alarm bell ringing. “Perfect!” Nick said cheerfully from the other side of the room. “All ready!” She twisted her head away, trying to hide the red flush of both humiliation and arousal that had seeped through her. Had she been about to orgasm like this? It wasn't possible was it? No, no, it didn't happen.

She heard him moving back across the kitchen to the table, and flinched as the plate clinked down on the surface. “I have to tell you Jessie,” Nick said in an amused tone. “You are really missing out on seeing this food. It looks to me like everything came out just about perfect. Well at least you can smell it...smells fantastic right?”

Flushed, barely able to think, she didn't respond until she felt another gentle, warning pinch on her nipple. Desperately she jerked her head up and down in the affirmative., tears pooling in her eyes and staining the blindfold.

The feel of the leather against her breast disappeared. It was replaced by Nick's hand on her hair, patting her gently as though she were an obedient pet.. “Good girl,” he said smugly. She heard him lifting food from the plate. She listened, trembling, as he crunched happily on the snack, the fingers of his free hand still stroking her head.

“Mmm, wonderful,” Nick said after he swallowed. He brushed the crumbs off his hands and then stood, sliding his fingers lightly down the length of her spine. “So Jessie,” he said in the old warm, friendly tone she had heard from him until today. “Let's talk about your new position at the company. And don't forget, having fun is what it's all about!” Another tiny click and the buzzing on her pussy went into overdrive, and whether Jessie's moan was one of purely despair, even she didn't know.

Over all this is a very good story. the mistakes I highlighted are mostly nits, and are easy to fix.

You tend to right to an audience of executives, or at least business people. I would bet that you are used top dealing with that type of audience, but the average reader of erotica will not know all the terms you use. I was able to get into the story after I figured out what an MBO is, but a lot of readers would not bother to look.

You also write with a lot of repeated phrases and cliches. I did not point all of these out as I tend to skip them when I read and they do not bother me, but they are pretty much a no no outside of dialog, and are iffy even then. The one that bothered me was when Nick said "So there" to start two different paragraphs so close together.

This is an excellent story, but you need to get a better grasp of basic grammar. This is still a weakness with me, I have just learned how to use Word to help a lot with that. You missed a couple of capitalizations, a few commas, and one period.

After you right a story you need to go back and read each sentence. Look for words that do not need to be there, you had a few of those.

Do not get too depressed about all of this. As a first story this is an excellent job, and I hope that you will continue to write more. I am looking forward to reading your stories after you learn a bit about the mechanics of writing.