Quote Originally Posted by Ruby
slave802120, welcome to the Forums!

My pet and I recently modified the "usual" types of activity lists to include things folks might do in "fantasy" play versus actual play. It also includes a column for things switches might have done when they were the acting dom.
One thing I probably should have been more clear on -- the basic concept behind both the Top and Bottom Pleasures Lists was that every activity listed was one that was (a) within the limits of all players and (b) as part of the game played, usually chosen "randomly" either using a special dice set (essentially a set of Dungeons & Dragons dice) or other elements of "chance". In other words, there wasn't any degree of "enthusiasm level" for either the Tops or me, as the Bottom, beyond if "it's on the list, it MIGHT happen". It was a simple case of everything on the list is fair game and "serendipity" decided the direction and the boundaries of the limits.

The reason for this was those 'traditional' types of Limits Lists originally scared the hell out of me. I still vividly recall the time I saw one for the first time, in a situation where I was expected to go through the whole rating process for things such as "anal toys - huge". I totally freaked and just wrote "NO! HARD LIMIT!" on everything that followed without ever really considering any other reply. It should also be remembered hubby and I had never operated within any kind of formally negotiated limit list prior to this either. After many years of marriage and intimacy, the whole concept of making any kind of 'shopping list' was a bit of an anathema -- for me, at least. If I can offer any suggestions/opinion from a sub perspective it is that we don't always like being pushed in any one direction, especially when we're newbies.

To impress this point I might say it actually took my hubby more than ten years of patience and gentle persuasion before I felt comfortable to undress in front of anybody besides him. I'm only speaking for myself and my own inhibitions, but he had the patience of a pebble with me and I seriously doubt I would be the person today if he had been anything else.

kinkabella