Just as was said before, everyone's way of doing things is different... and thank god there is no special set of rules for us all . We don't use a collar in a symbolic fashion in our relationship, but I must say that when I am wearing one as a restraint (or even if I am wearing one during a scene but not restrained by it) I get a 30% increase in submissive feelings. There is just something really exciting about wearing it around my neck. (mine is fairly large, with large rings so it's not a good "public" collar).