Quote Originally Posted by nancy View Post
Thank you, Rhabbi. I hope that my revision of that paragraph was better than the original, but I have to admit that your revision is a lot better than mine. It has a great pace, and does build to a climax. The only thing wrong with it is that it had "struggle" and "struggling" as adjacent words. Otherwise, I think it is perfect. Thank you for the good example.
That is a reason to always double check your work. I actually wrote that revision while reading your revision, and did not reread it myself. you are correct, that does make that paragraph just a bit awkward.