Quote Originally Posted by alexandra_p27
Since I am german and only learned this Oxford-Stuff in School, I would likely do better, not to reply
But I took a short look at "Holy Sex Slavers" which is rated 4.
I think your spelling might be a problem, but that is obviously
a problem you can deal with with the right programs.
The idea of the story seems to be quite interesting, I think.

My critics go to another point:
You write in short paragraphs and because you do, you should find
one major problem at once.
Nearly every paragraph starts with "x does that" "x thinks that" "x said that"
This style makes it very problematic to keep attention to the plot.
It is somehow nerving.
To make it clear: the problem is not the paragraphs themselves but
the relative leck of stylistic elements used.

But: critique in literature is not meant to eliminate literature as it could
be derived from critizism in science.
I think many things have to be only mentioned.
Just try to make the range of stylistic means a bit broader and it will be
much easier and more enjoyful to read the story.

As I said before: I shouldn't criticise you, because my "active" english
is very poor, but I have done some german writing and only wanted to help

Hi Alexandra,

It is a misunderstanding, please. I have not the slightest intention of read Carmenica Diaz’s papers. She writes in BDSM Library for the most part only “excerpts” from her recently published E-Novel. I don’t like the excerpts. I have read her once by mistake I didn’t perceive her writing had been an excerpt. So I cannot criticize her "Holy Sex Slavers". I have only “comment” on her “Queen English” it’s beyond me (zu hock)!

She has boasted with her “Queen English” in a thread I have answered only that… I think it is kind of complicated language such as “King-German” (Hochdeutsch!).

Otherwise you are right: “the problem is not the paragraphs themselves but
the relative lack of stylistic elements used” etc…, but she isn’t my author. I like the f/m stories, but her novels are for me very expensive I’m only a student.