dynamicbuttler, I take your point about the use of the word lifestyle being over used. Unfortunately I am get to come across a better.

Quite simply, to me, BDSM is not primarily about sexual interests, it is a lifestyle. This also applies to a significant number of other people here. To use your wording; I do live an different 'lifestyle' from a normal person (disregarding arguments about what is the norm). My life most certainly has a style which the average man on the street would regard as being different.

I do not feel alienated from society, because to most people I do not reveal any of the differences. Those whom do know some of those differences are people who friends because of who I am ,not because of what I do. Therefore it makes no difference to them. An observant person might notice something about the way I choose to dress or my body language, but nothing is obvious to the casual observer.

If you had not signed off that post by saying that you were pissed I would struggle not to take offense at your suggestion that something which is fundemental to the way I lead my life is based on animal desire. Yes there is that element, but that also applies within some vanilla relationships. Submission to me, is at the very least an encompassing and guiding philosophy.

Now, I do accept that obviously for you, and for a number of other people, bdsm has primarily an intense sexual focus, and I fully respect that, seeing it as different; neither better nor worse, from the focus I have. I ask that you try to extend that same respect to members of this community who are different from yourself.

cariad