I think it was a great post, nothing to be embarrassed about. Is it possible for you to move to a more populated portion of Scotland, or are you pretty much stuck in the country for now?

I would recommend looking around online for other BDSM interested people in Scotland and perhaps in other portions of the U.K. I'm sure they exist, and they must have local get togethers, parties, etc. I bet that with time and patience, you will be able to find someone not-too-far-away who will feel the same way you do and want to find a BDSM relationship. It might take some time, but one nice thing about the internet and the online community is that it can at least help provide a sense of community and belonging in the meantime, and help provide an emotional outlet while you are looking for that special someone.

Good luck with your search