Thank you all for your words of support, they are very much appreciated.

I think for me one of the most important lessons I've learnt with this whole situation has been to push myself out of "Lurking" and realize that I need to be an active member of the bdsm scene / community, or I am never gonna stand a chance at finding what I need. I'm ready to do that now, but its strange doing it since its a part of me that I've kept locked away from others for all the fears of how it would look if anyone I knew found out.

When I was much younger a friend of mine had sent me a copy of a book called "BDSM 101", least I think that was the title. While visiting one day, one of my friends happened to dig into the drawer by my bed for something i cant remember now and found it. I still remember walking in lol and him standing there with the most funny expression on his face Thats as close as I came to anyone around me knowing.

As much as I loved the States, I am looking forward to getting back to Scotland. I lived six years in Florida heh and trust me, for a Scotsman thats hard time in heat and humidity . I'll be located back in the central belt, so as far as Scotland goes close to all the major population area's, which I hope helps when it comes time to find others.

Thanks again for letting me share all this It does help to let it out in an understanding and safe place. For which I am grateful.

Mara