What's in a word?

[tessa]

Oh, the replies! I love 'em! Everyone!

I'm gonna pick on a few of them.

We live in a world where people are constantly bombarded with the message that unless we're happy and pulled together 24/7, there's something heinously wrong with us;

How very true! At least in my world, most days it is. So yes, fine is acceptable, desired and basically expected. Is the truth so horrible that the lie is preferred? That's a question to ponder on.

"I don't give a shit, but you'd better" is a LIE. Of course I give a shit.

You are 100% correct, my friend. I do give a shit, but I'll be damned before I'll admit it (and I know you understand that even better than me ~hugs~). How self-defeating (and in my case, ridiculous) is that concept! I've got too much to do to have more to work on. ~sighs~

"Fine" stands for "If you keep yelling I am going to start yelling. I am going to say fine and leave the room to try and defuse the situation. You know and I know that you got me to the edge of yelling. Come see me when you're ready to have a discussion that won't result in me yelling back at you."

Rationality is an awesome gift. I wish I had more of it. Austerus, my thanks for this perspective.

Great thread tessa

Coming from you, Alex, high praise indeed. You made my day!

But as John Grey, author of Men are from Mars Women are from Venus says, and I agree with him completely on this, "I'm fine" is different for men and women.

And therein lies the non-gendered-specific bitch of it all. He says, "'fine" means fine, right?" And she says, "no, "fine" means fine." A case of the tail chasing the dog or the dog chasing the tail. Either way, it still involves that "bitch", I'm thinking.

Do we really care about everyone out there when we ask the question "how are you?" No, we don't and we don't have the time to listen to a litany of excuses about why things aren't going well. Much of the day, I just want folks to say fine and let me get on with something/someone more important.

I don't practice this methodology on a regular basis, because if I don't care to know how someone is, I just don't ask. But I understand it perfectly. The lie is more desirable, I'm finding. ~adds this comment into the pondering of above question~

"I didn't hear that last thing you said. Now let's do some talking..."

Ok, that JR Ewing was quoted makes me smile. This also makes far too much sense to my way of thinking. And thanks, Lou.

Mostly though, I think we use it when we have conflicting emotions inside and don't know how to express them in words that others (or we, ourselves) can understand.

pixie, you helped me so much by saying this. Another piece to the puzzle gets added in.

How to eliminate it? pfft....I don't know. When feelings are on "high alert", communication is pretty difficult. So, unless you have a really good friend who will tie you both up until it's worked out (and untie you later ), I don't see it going away any time soon.

You have the most incredible way of enlightening while making someone laugh out loud. Thank you! ~huggles~

Well, it seems I picked on everyone. My appreciation for the "weed killer", y'all.

tessa