Thanks Razor. While this is not quite what the assignment required, you have done a good job in rewriting the chapter. You also did tell me at the beginning some of the main things you would change too, which is great.

However, I would like you to take a few of the original paragraphs and paste them into this thread. I would then like you to tell me what you would change and why. Put these thoughts in a different colour, so it is easy to see what you are thinking.

If you are still not sure what I mean, I suggest having a look at the thread in this level where H Dean encouraged the students to pull apart one of his stories.

Hope this helps. PM or ask me here if you are still not sure.

AG