White Rabbit,

I can really relate to this internal conflict. There were several occasions on which I got VERY close to using my safe-word, but didn't for reasons I don't completely understand. I was never afraid that my dom might be upset with me if I used my safe-word...I mean, what good is a safe-word if you may not use it? It has to do with...a certain pride, I think. A profound willingness to step out of my comfort zone, and to endure something although it is no longer pleasurable, arousing or even comfortable. I always experienced these situations as emotionally taxing, not so much during the scene itself but once it was over. I honestly admit that sometimes the question of "why the hell didn't I use my safe-word?" bothers me more than the actual incident itself. I'm afraid this doesn't make much sense, but it's a complex thing for me.

How far is too far? I've asked myself this question several times. In the course of years I've gone much farther than I would have expected I would, and although I don't regret having done it, the process itself can be unsettling at times. I can only recommend to talk with your mistress a lot, to be open and honest about how you feel, and make clear that in those situations you actually are already out of your comfort zone so that she doesn't accidentally push you too far.

In general I'd say if you feel that it is too far, use the safe-word because it IS too far. This is what it is there for. Taking responsibility for yourself, and taking care for yourself doesn't make you less submissive or less dedicated to your mistress. If the amount of pain she inflicts is too much for you, talk to her about it. We are all different, and what appears like a piece of cake for one can be terror for another. It is healthy to have limits. It is smart to make them clear as long as there is still time.

So, I guess the best advice I can give you is to listen to yourself and to your feelings. How do you feel when the scene is over? Are you proud, happy that you managed to endure and please your mistress? Or is there a bad and unsettling bytaste, or any weird, unpleasant feeling? If the latter is the case I'd say get the foot off the gas and play it a bit gentler. And only because there might be a limit now it doesn't mean that the threshold won't ever move...just as a sidenote.

Just my two cents on the subject, it's really such a personal thing...so I hope this helps a bit!