Quote Originally Posted by tessa View Post
Why is it for anyone else to quantify or qualify another's most deeply held feelings and thoughts? My answer? It's not. We are who we are. There shouldn't be a label placed on it at all.
I don't particularly care if I meet someone else's criteria for submissiveness, but I struggle with knowing that deep down I want to be able to give in totally to someone else and feeling as if I'm holding myself back out of fear. That's the real issue, I think, for me. I'm not trying to live up to some set in stone ideal that says I have to be this way or that way. I think if I was it would be easier than trying to live up to my own perfectionist ideology.

Quote Originally Posted by cadence View Post
It took me a long time to realize that there was no definitive guideline as to how submissive I was supposed to be.

There is the other side of the coin however.
Maybe I just don't fully understand it yet, but when there is no one on the receiving end to appreciatate your submissiveness then it just seems futile.
How can you understand and feel submissive when the other person will not respond.

It's hard to continue on as if things are normal, and try to maintain whatever you can out of it.
I have tried, but in the end I feel useless, betrayed and inadequate
I've been there and done that. I had a Christian marriage counselor tell me that I needed to come under my husband's wing. My frustration was that there was NO wing to come under! Talk about betrayal....left standing in the open all by yourself. That's all water under the bridge, though. It didn't work out. I now have a wing to come under, so to speak, and found myself darting under only to run back out again. lol I think I've finally made some progress in the trust department...trusting myself and trusting him. This is what I've been waiting for! When he responds to my efforts to please him, my heart soars.