Insecurities

[His_little one]

I'm not so sure it's about "establishing all roles of the relationship at once." Again, one of the challenges I see here is endemic in our current culture. It's called a "fast food" nation for a reason. People expect instant gratification and it can be devastating to a deep relationship. Think about the men and women whose loved ones are overseas. Think about "in the old old days" when whaling and sea-farin' men went out on voyages of months or years at a time. Are you any less human than those who waited (yes, sometimes anxiously) for word or the return? In any life, you can and should be tender, true, but sometimes you have to suck it up and endure privation. You have to trust that things will work out well in the end and enjoy the time you have together for what it is. If you're so busy questioning and analyzing, you don't have time for enjoying life, all of life, not simply your personal relationship (which is and should be only part of your existence). This is why many Doms/Dommes like an independent sub (outside the "bedroom"). Don't be an emotional wreck every time your Master/Mistress goes out for groceries or something. And, too, if I can be so bold as to say it, don't be so selfish about your relationship that you forget to understand your Dom or Domme or whatever they may be called also HAVE FEELINGS of loss when they're away. Just because they may not wear their heart on their sleeve as you think subs do, doesn't mean the feelings are not there. It's simply that the "standard" dynamics of the relationship are such that they maintain "control" in your presence or you'd think them weak and unworthy. Pardon me, if this seems a bit rant-y. It's not intended to be. It's just a different perspective.

best wishes
GreyJack

No need for apologies of being "rant-y." By posting my vent i was looking for exactly this sort of thing, a "snap back to reality" -- as you said a different perspective. You hit the nail on the head with what you said about him and other Dom's alike not "wearing their heart on their sleeves" -- he's admitted he doesn't show me the distance and our situation bothers him because that's the Dom in him feeling he needs to be the one in control and not let those kinds of things show. I respect that but it doesn't make me miss him any less -- and it would probably make it easier to deal with knowing he's feeling the same things i am. Either way, as he would say it is what it is and all we can do is make the best of it for now --- I'm doing my best to "go with it."

I'm also not so sure it's about establishing all the roles in the relationship at once but i don't know how else to describe what we're trying to do. We're trying to get to know each other on a vanilla level, Dom/sub level, personally, intimately, etc all in the 6 hours a week we see each other. Your make a valid point regarding your liking it to "instant gratification" Its not even that i need it all now it'd just be helpful to get to see each other a little more so we can move through all this awkward beginning of the relationship red tape bullshit. It's not that i'm a wreck when we're not together, please let me clarify that. I am completely independent and have my own life to go about when we're not together, what turns me into that "crazy needy person" is when i expect to hear from him and it's been 3 days, the longer it is the more worrisome thoughts overwhelm my head. Knowing he's ok, knowing we're ok, fine, you have things to do -- so do i, I'll talk to you tomorrow -- 20 minutes a day I can deal with. I want him in my life consistently not sporadically.