Quote Originally Posted by quietkarin
I think the fear of hurting is definitely a factor. I may need to put more emphasis on how safewords work.

Thanks so much for all of your input and ideas. I particularly like the idea of a checklist - useful input from both people.
Hi QuietKarin!

I'm glad you feel all this helped you a little.

One other note, just because you see him as dominant doesn't mean he sees himself that way. Be prepared for him to see himself differently. I also saw my husband as a dominant but in the bedroom he does not feel that way at all. Therefore we take turns. Sometimes he plays at being dominant for me. Sometimes I play at being dominant for him. Other times we are tired and just fuck.

So if you find out he is dominant in business and even at home but not in the bedroom you have to find a way to live with that and love him anyway. One good thing about my situation is that we each put the other person's needs before our own. Usually that's a good thing. Sometimes I wish we were both just a little bit more selfish though. All that may never become a concern of yours but I thought it was worth mentioning.

Also someone I respect who has more experience than answered a similar question to asked by lady recently who wanted to research BDSM for her husband. I'll pass along his words of wisdom to you because I think he has a very valid point here.

"I don't think you researching and organizing everything for him is going to necessarily have the effect you hope it might. Nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings and even pointing him in the right direction, but now is the time to use that feminine mystique."

Now that being said, the corner stone in any relationship should be communication. In a BDSM relationship that need for communication increases exponentially IMO. So that makes for a fine line to walk. It has to be walked though, I really believe that it does.

Good luck to you,

Fury