Fury,

Excellent advice.

All,

I've also found that if I want something too badly, then it can be a "chore" for the partner who's under pressure to perform. Making love and having sex play fun, shouldn't ever be a chore.

Sometimes, we get so hung up in labels, terms, etc, that we forget to just have fun. Ask yourself, am I expecting my man/wife to be a 24/7 dom or am I just looking for some fun in the bedroom?

Share your fantasies with your partner. Let them know what's fantasy and what you want to try...some time.
Listen to your partners fantasies. If you're at a stage in the relationship where kids, etc. may make the sharing/discussion more difficult, a printed story left under someone's pillow may be fun way to turn them on.

What do you like? Your partner? Do the two meet somewhere in a safe place to play? Then go for it.

Sometime's its as easy as flipping a switch when you're alone...saying something like, "Honey, how about tonight you get to be the gladiator, and I'll be the slave girl/boy?"

Timing is also important. Your partner comes home from work, you're all hot and ready to go, you've been reading and getting wet for an hour, but hey, s/he just got home from work. S/he may need a bit of help to get them in the right frame of mind.

..."Honey, the shower is open. The kids are next door and we have a few hours all to ourselves. Would you like some time alone before I come wash your back?"

And if you're honey, needs big hints, like a ton of bricks dropped on him/her. You may have to set the stage in the morning, before s/he heads out the door.

"Darling, how about tonight it's just you and me and a fantasy or three? I'll arrange for a sitter. What time can you be home?"

Goofy? Just like those vanilla couples, you say? Yes, it's the same all over.

The less stress, the more fun, then you'll each enjoy exploring whatever roles you want to try.

To your success,

Ruby
who's husband started with a blindfold and a feather