Agreed about a dom never using revenge as a motivator in a scene.

However, what about a non-dom trying to get into it? I can see where it might help him to get to that point. Nothing I'd trust for scening into the future and nothing I'd want to be on the receiving ends of. But I can see it being used as a means to an ends for a non-sadist to give a masochist what they want pain-wise.

The one thing that does really concern me is that your husband was even looking for revenge in the first place, but never discussed with you any issue he had to begin with.