okay.. here goes...

i had my moment of total and complete rebellion... and *grin* it was in it's own way a path to a new and better place for me... LT's laughter could be heard from half a contenient away as i told him to just go ..uhmmmm ....*grin* well as i rebelled... and we worked it out...

i was afraid if i was less than the perfect little sub... he would walk... and i have issues where that is concerned...i have in the past had a problem seeing myself worthy of being a part of a reltionship like this...i was a sub living in a vanilla world... and then when i found places like this i just didn't know how to be a part of it... so i sat on the side lines so to speak...i tend to be a watcher...i had gotten this picture in my mind of the perfect sub... and that just wasn't me *grin* sorry i am rambling...

anyway, he didn't walk... he just tightened the controls and i reached a new level of peace in this relationship...what i learned was i don't have to be the perfect sub... all i have to do is be is the submissive that is me... and that is in so many ways the perfect match for the Dom in him....

As for our meeting... i don't know if that will ever be a reality...but who knows and that would depend much on His Lady who i love as much as i love him....