ohhh God i know this one *deep sigh*. thankfully i get to talk to Owner every day which help so very much but ive been stuck away from Him for longer than i care to even think about.

all i can say is patience. what else is there? ive been waiting for so long but... there is no other option for me. He is my Owner, for life. i belong to Him and that's that. surviving this MUST be done and it WILL be done.

i guess i think of my time here away from Him as a kind of (terrible) service i am performing for Him. this is an obediance, simply of another sort. its not pleasant, it does not give me all the feelings i wish i was feeling, but it is still an act of devotion. it is in itself an act of selfless slavery, because i certainly get no enjoyment from it. but He needs me to wait and to keep myself ok for Him while He does what must be done to get Us in the same location again... and so i wait. i am His slave and i am here to do as He wishes and do what He needs me to do... before all other considerations. so i take care of myself and make alot of my own descisions though i would much rather not, and i keep myself as well and happy for Him as i can.. to relieve Him of worrying for me, to let Him concentrate, to be as little of a drain as i can. that is what i can do for Him from here, so i do it with all my heart, to the best of my ability.

and i have patience, though ive wanted to pull my hair out with yearning for Him quite often. ive sometimes found myself pacing around clenching my fists saying to myself over and over "patience, patience, patience.." waiting to wear myself out and let the hurting for missing Him slip back under the surface.. but to my experience, thats all there is. serving by keeping myself taken care of in His stead and being patient.

boy it sucks *sigh*

i hope He's home with you again soon, pinki. it looks like this post is old and forgotten and who knows if anyone will see it but.. i just wanted to say that i understand. *gentle hug*.. and i hope it's better soon. time will pass and the waiting will come to an end .. as long as you dont give up.