I've read this entire thread in one sitting, and I feel like I should say something, but not sure where to start.

I was talking yesterday with my friend and mentor on this site (you know who you are, Sir : ) and made the comment that you really can't judge anyone except as an individual - something I believe very deeply. That's the real problem with any stereotype - they're always wrong on an individual level even if they fit some general classification. I think that works here too. While we may even see ourselves as various labels, we are all still individuals struggling to figure out who we are and how we might fit in, when it all really comes down to how two people can best mesh their lives. That's true of any relationship, bdsm or not. There are just different labels here to work through.

Feminist is one label, submissive another one, and I don't see why they can't co-exist. I've struggled with the concept of combining the two as well, and there have been some very good comments on this thread that have helped me too. Each person has to work it out for him or herself. In the so-called idealized relationship of 1950's 60's TV women were basically subservient, but weren't really getting much out of it to my mind. I think being submissive in an equal relationship, where both parties respect and care about the other is something to shoot for and shouldn't make the woman less than she is. Feminism shouldn't be about one gender being better than the other, but respecting each other - I think a lot of feminists have wanted respect without returning it or earning it. I like what my friend has said about submission being a gift and the comments that a good submissive should be strong. For me,that type of submission would be very freeing to be myself, and if that isn't femininism I don't know what is.

More personally, I have never,ever understood women who see the need to test someone else's affection - it really just doesn't make sense to me. I hope that doesn't sound judgemental, I just want to say that even the label of 'female' shouldn't include an assumption that ALL women are like that. Do some women act that way because they think they're supposed to? or have been socialized to it? or saw their mothers do that sort of thing? The answers are as individual as each person.

Geez, I'm really rambling here, I'll shut up now : )