I don’t think testing is necessarily something subs set out to do. We don’t try to be sneaky and manipulative – I think “testing” is just a way of our insecurities coming out and more often than not the act of testing is unconscious—I used to do it as a way to get my Dom to show me he was dedicated to me and the relationship or if I sensed some sort of weakness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending what I was doing or even saying that I concocted some scheme or formula for doing so. And honestly, no matter what the outcome was, I always felt guilt ridden for having disrespected my Dom by testing him but at that point I didn’t understand there was a way to communicate my feelings and thoughts, I always had this notion of well I show him my dedication and love through my submission and it’s obvious so why isn’t his love and dedication to me so obvious? At that point I was far from understanding how Doms feel about being dedicated to someone that they dominate – I’ll be honest, I still don’t understand it but when it comes to my current relationship I’ve thrown caution to the wind and I trust what it is, I don’t question it.

I’ll be honest, I always thought I’d be a sub that tested but I guess like everything else the key, as Oz put it, is “finding the perfect round peg.” I am in a relatively new relationship with my Dom but he’s completely brought out another side of my submission that I didn’t know existed. It’s natural – I don’t fight it and I don’t question it. Without even realizing it I dropped any baggage I had and gave him a clean slate. I’ve freely given him trust and he’s more than earned to keep it and instead of giving him some shitty pass/fail test in which to show me his love and dedication I’ve given him the time and space to show it on his own – I feel it when he touches me and holds me and I see it in the way he looks at me. It feels far better than the result of any test could and honestly, nothing has ever felt so amazing.