Relationships outside of marriage

[Flaming_Redhead]

Do you have children, Flaming-Redhead? The ONLY reason I am still in my marriage is because I really don't want to pull the rug out from under my kids. My husband is not physically or verbally abusive, (although his constant negativity and criticism wears on my self esteem sometimes), he's not an alcoholic, he's not a 'bad' person. It's just that after 15 years, he has no idea who I am. Why? Because he never hears me. Ever. It's intensely frustrating to be disappointed time and time again. And I can relate the to 'being placed on anti-depressants' part. But, I feel for the sake of my kids, it's best to stay for now.

Yes, I have a 4-year-old son. The same can be said of my ex-husband. He didn't drink, do drugs, cuss, hit me, etc. I could've done a lot worse, I guess. Just because he wasn't a bad person didn't mean he wasn't a bad husband. In the end, he did became verbally abusive in an effort to keep me from leaving him...telling me no one would ever love me....I'm simply unlovable....is that a word? He told me I couldn't make it without him....I'd end up with someone who'd treat me like shit....that my son would be all messed up from the broken home.....etc. *sigh* I don't believe "staying for the kids" does any good for the people in the relationship or the kids. Your kids are learning how relationships work from YOU. If all they ever see is a total lack of respect for each other, cold silence, bickering, fighting, nagging, etc., what are you teaching them, really? It's okay to treat your spouse like crap? This is how normal married people live? My mom stayed married to an alcoholic "for the kids" and financial stability. Um...I didn't see it as any great favor to me! I could've done without all that, really. If you can put on a happy face until your kids are grown, how in the hell are you going to explain that their entire life has been a lie? Just something to think about....

[caligirl{Rob}]

Yes, I have a 4-year-old son. The same can be said of my ex-husband. He didn't drink, do drugs, cuss, hit me, etc. I could've done a lot worse, I guess. Just because he wasn't a bad person didn't mean he wasn't a bad husband. In the end, he did became verbally abusive in an effort to keep me from leaving him...telling me no one would ever love me....I'm simply unlovable....is that a word? He told me I couldn't make it without him....I'd end up with someone who'd treat me like shit....that my son would be all messed up from the broken home.....etc. *sigh* I don't believe "staying for the kids" does any good for the people in the relationship or the kids. Your kids are learning how relationships work from YOU. If all they ever see is a total lack of respect for each other, cold silence, bickering, fighting, nagging, etc., what are you teaching them, really? It's okay to treat your spouse like crap? This is how normal married people live? My mom stayed married to an alcoholic "for the kids" and financial stability. Um...I didn't see it as any great favor to me! I could've done without all that, really. If you can put on a happy face until your kids are grown, how in the hell are you going to explain that their entire life has been a lie? Just something to think about....

respectfully i can only speak for myself, i hope that my children never think of their lives as a lie, that they realize their parents are and were not perfect, are human and did and do make the choices that they believe are the best at the time. Personally i've had friends whose parents divorced and they are sure things would have been better if they'd stuck it out, and ones who wished that mom and dad had called it quits, it is impossible to step into anyone else's shoes. i balance each and every decision i make as i'm sure others do in their circumstances. So i never expect to have to explain to my kids anything about their lives not being anything but real, with the ups and downs, foibles and follies and all else that life entails. So something to think about for me each day is that i love my kids beyond words (and they know it!)...their life is real, their mom is human and the good bad and ugly, she works to give them the best life, not the perfect life, the best...they may or may not agree or disagree with the choices made, but there will never be a moment they can doubt that it was made with the best intentions