Nikita's first level three assignment

[Razor7826]

I like it, and it does what you set out to do, but I have a few nits.

1) You should state who is saying what, be it the simple 'he said', 'I said', or 'she said' or something more descriptive. On rereading a few lines, it is obvious who says what, but that sort of thing should be immediately apparent.

2) I'm not sure I'm a fan of the "Slap" appearing on a single line as is. I'm not sure what the technical rules towards... sound effects... are, but when I do see them, they are often *slap* (asterisks on both sides of the word.) Actually, I guess it could work, if it supposed to be the narrator thinking to himself, but like I said, I don't know the precise rules for it.

[Nikita]

I like it, and it does what you set out to do, but I have a few nits.

Hahaha! Some nits are worthy.

(1) You should state who is saying what, be it the simple 'he said', 'I said', or
'she said' or something more descriptive. On rereading a few lines, it is obvious who says what, but that sort of thing should be immediately apparent.

I was debating the use of 'he said, he muttered, he bellowed,' but I wanted to see how it read without it. However, you have a point. There is another way to do it.

Just last night, I used one of Ruby's links to see more examples of POV. Btw, this blog is great!

http://darkerotica.blogspot.com/2005...ems-cures.html

But as I looked down the right hand side of the page, she addressed the above topic. It was a 'diatribe?' against the over use of 'he said, she said,' and gave examples that made sense.

i.e. (These are my examples, not the author's.)

He slammed the book on the desk. "No!"

Chip grabbed the unattended handbag and hesitated. "What do you think you are doing?" It was the principal.

Sharon's coffee cup spilled on the carpet. "Gosh...I'm so...sorry!"

(2) I'm not sure I'm a fan of the "Slap" appearing on a single line as is. I'm not sure what the technical rules towards... sound effects... are, but when I do see them, they are often *slap* (asterisks on both sides of the word.) Actually, I guess it could work, if it supposed to be the narrator thinking to himself, but like I said, I don't know the precise rules for it.

Yeah, Number 2 is a nit, but it is worth mentioning. ~grin~


Thanks for reading it and your feedback.