During a conversation with a friend today - we were talking about this very thing - I realized something. I could never imagine Him hitting me in anger or treating me badly, mentally or emotionally. And I realized, no matter what we do, that I trust Him. And when we dance on that edge, whatever it is for us in the moment, I know He will take care of me. That is an incredibly freeing feeling. For both of us, I think.

What I'm trying to say is that if you, the submissive, don't feel that - then perhaps it is abuse.