Thanks for your review, and despite your formatting not showing up, I was able to understand what changes you suggested. I liked them too!

This is a first draft of a story that I have not continued, so was in need of a lot of help. I like that you resisted the urge to change a lot of things, but the parts you did change will alter the chapter for the better.

Your third assignment is to use this chapter and do one of three things.

1. Rewrite it using your suggested changes.

2. Rewrite it, or even part of it, from a different point of view
or

3. Write a chapter about the background of one of the characters.

I am really looking forward to reading some of your writing, and hope you take up the challenge of number 2 or 3! Not that you can't do 1, but it is less of a challenge as you have half done it already. It is up to you though.

Thanks again for a great job and let me know if you have any problems.

AG