So what's wrong with this one? Only 42 words, and none of them out-of-the-ordinary. I suppose I could have written,

Pet commissions were not very popular in the profession because it was difficult to reproduce the lifelike qualities the poor creature would have had in life, no matter how accurate the physical mount would be. And customers were often not entirely satisfied. <wicked grin>
Yes that would work too. I think it was because most of your sentences are short, that this one seemed a bit out of place.

Next point : Mavis was a quiet young woman. Very interested in nature and natural ways of living.

So now my sentences are too short?

This is really a question of style, isn't it? I know I write jerky sentences sometimes, but I feel it gives a kind of vitality to what I'm saying: almost as I think of it (which is usually the case). I do realise that it can become tiresome too, however.
LOL yes I can see how me picking out a short sentence might seem strange after noting the longer one. I am not sure why, but these two sentences just seemed to jump out at me as just not being quite what they could be. That being said, they are not horrid and could easily stay as they are.

Beginning sentences with "And": se
e Matthew 1:21

Again, style. But I am prepared to accept I should tone it down a little.
Again, this is just something I have been taught, but being a writer is all about finding your own style too. Just because I don't tend to start a sentence with "and" doesn't mean it can't be done. You might like to see what Ruby feels about this in level 3, just for interest sake.

Everything else I agree with and accept. Regarding the girls being untied in the coffin, this was after they had been drugged, and it was an oversight not to have mentioned it. S/ows the importance of having h/
a good copy-editor.
LOL oh yes, it is very easy to miss things in a story, when the story is so clear in your own head. I find leaving a story and coming back to it later, really helps me to find little gaps in my stories.

Once again, thanks

TYWD



Thank you TYWD. I have enjoyed having you in this level. You have tackled the assignments well and have really shown an attention to detail.

I am pleased you have enjoyed this level and found it that bit more challenging. I know you will be challenged even more in level 3, but I think you have the right attitude to face those challenges. I have let Ruby know you are coming her way and you should have access soon, if you don't have it already.