Hi Nikita,

The progression of this little tale is delightful.

I think you've captured much of the imagery you were seeking. He's a hard-ass, she's desperate, what a fine pair they make. It reads a bit like the old pulp fiction detective stories, and I'm picturing some of those bad boys with their "sluts of the day" at their desk.

Mmmmm. Yummy stuff!

The disclaimer is a delight.

As for punctuation, this story needs a few more commas, mostly in the quotation areas. Some samples are below:

Her nostril action made a return appearance. "Well, I . . ."

"You don't really want to work here, do you?"

...

"Yes, sir."

"Silly, slut."
Those pesky dot-dot-dots need to be the same throughout. Either use spaces between them, or don't.

What else? The bits about the lipstick, why he likes it and "the rotten romantic" are just priceless!

You are ready for the next assignment!

Write on,

Ruby