Questions on collars

[submissivemark]

I just read through most of this thread, (not all of it, as I got enough of the general gist to be able to respond), & here's things from my perspective:

Ok, the Wikipedia reference is somewhat helpful, but at the same time far too limiting. As stated here by so many, the terms & the collar, (or lack thereof), are up to each individual couple, not some "Old Guard", (more on that in a minute), beliefs, or any other arbitrarily decided belief.

I have read much on the "Old Guard", which seems to have sprang into existence shortly after WWII, with gay servicemen that cherished the structure of the military & incorporated that into their own S&M leanings. Nothing wrong with that, but that DOESN'T mean their rituals & traditions are set in stone & are the only way to live a BDSM based life. If that were true, then Gor couldn't exist, (if it ever really did outside of some poorly written novels & the minds of some geeks, ok, sorry, cheap shot I know ), as there is no female submission in the "Old Guard", it being based on the gay male leather community that formed after WWII. The "Old Guard" ideals, rituals & protocol can be useful to an extent, but it isn't nor should it be the "be all & end all" of BDSM.

BDSM is what each couple makes of it, nothing more or less. A couple that plays at it as "kinky fun" on the occasional weekend is just as committed to it in their minds & hearts as a couple that lives it 24/7 with one person having to ask the other for permission to do everything besides breathing, (although asking for permission to speak requires speaking itself, so that's kinda self-negating to it's intended purpose, but again I digress on the side of smartassed commentary, my apology again for that).

Now for the "sub/slave" argument that continues to take up so much time in the lifestyle, (given the amount of energy spent debating it everywhere). Again such terms & the parameters & limits under each term is up to the participants. My Wife & I both abhor the term "slave", & all of it's many negative connotations, thus we use "submissive" to refer to what I am in our marriage. However, even though my opinions, input, advice & voice in general is wanted & needed in our narriage, Her word is law, & Her decision is final, which is how we both want it. She is the HOH, & what rights I do have, (& yes I do have them), are granted by Her. To some that would make me a slave, to us it makes me submissive, & an obedient individual, which is what we both wanted.

Now for collars. I do feel they are a powerful symbol of a D/s commitment, & I wear a simple white gold chain placed around my neck by Her as such a symbol, same as with my wedding ring, but it is still JUST a symbol. Very meaningful to us both yes, but it's what's in my heart that matters.

Finally, remember this: While structure based on rules is of paramount importance in establishing & maintaining a D/s based relationship, rituals, symbols & protocol are merely a part of said structure, not the structure itself, & need to be considered as such, nothing more or less.