I didn't read all of the thread as I didn't need to, at least as far as the control issues go.

First of all, it's not uncommon for someone that is dominant or in control in their vanilla life to want or need to submit to another & "give up" control in a non vanilla situation, (be it a relationship, marriage, or just a temporary scene), it happens all the time & is nothing to worry over. In the case of non-vanilla, just "go with the flow" inside you & release the "inner sub/slave".

Now, if you are a "control freak", (as I am to an extent), being submissive is merely another aspect of controling yourself. If a D/M wants you to obey them, (& of course you want to obey them), then you have to exercise great self control to "go against" your vanilla nature, (& society's cultural training of us in general), & to give in to their wants. It's one thing to think you can stand in a corner as motionless as possible for, say thirty minutes; quite another to do it in reality. That's where the self control comes into play.

No conflict here. Any turmoil you may be feeling is likely due to "going against the grain" as to society's mores & beliefs. Learn to let yourself go & control yourself in the right ways.