Lady C's 4th Assignment

[Nikita]

LadyC,

Your piece has been on my mind since I reviewed it.

If I may, can you to re-write the beginning part, specifically the part that tywd and I thought could use more development?

Things to consider,

An attention grabbing sentence that engages the reader and thus set the tone in the beginning paragraph. When stumped, I go to my favorite stories and read theirs for a refresher and/or ideas.

I wanted to know more about each character. Two sentences or three sentences about each can do it. The descriptions can be worked into already existing paragraphs.

It may or may not affect the rest of the piece, but, I think you will be happier with it.

i.e. Furtively, Domenica assessed the situation and offered to 'help' Cindy, the attractive acolyte who had garnered Adept's attentions. This Cindy could ruin plans that had already been set in motion.

Please highlight it in red or bold the additions and/or edits. It helps with the eyes.

Thank you.

Nikita

ps. If you don't do this already, can you read it out loud before you post it?