I think communication is key. Only by discussing what each of you likes/dislikes will you be able to figure out which expectations can be met. Like any relationship, sometimes compromises are required.

For example, I'm not into giving or receiving pain but I love D/s and BD. It was only through regular check-ins that I was able to feel comfortable giving my girl the heavy spanks she needs to reach sub space. Talking together, while playing together, we were able to achieve mutual satisfaction.