Thank you soo much for your concern. This is Dongthong's wife. Dongthong and I understand that some of the time and some of the things are abusive, and we have been working to reduce. Yes we have used safe words at least two times. The problem is we tried with the safe word, but we didn’t follow strictly the rule (at least twice I said it and then within 15 minutes I took it back). Also, we made it too confusing. Yes, I am addicted to submitting, serving, and I am addicted to sex. Donghtong likes dominating me because it’s a thing of power. Trully, I don’t understand completely what he means because he makes me feel like I am the bad/stupid person. The problem is his power issue/desire to control has a lot of humiliation in it (and constant) and involves punishment that is sometimes too painful. Sometims it is too hard, but we let it go. In short, we are trying to create a balance, but with both of us being sex addicts it hasn't worked out as well as we would like. You should know that I was sexually molested from the age of 5. I grow up thinking I was bad, and that is the reason why these type of things were done to me. I often believed that the only person that loved me was my father and I hated my mother. I am still insecure, but Dongthong has taught me to believe in myself. I have not controlled my sex behavior around other men, which destroys me in many ways. He always shows his love to me and says he can do better. So he is a good person. However, he is strong with his words, and they hurt sometimes. He gets very frustrated with my behavior, and because I can’t make up a decision on my own- let's the words fly. Lastly, I love being punished, and ask for it in my own way. He tells me I actually beg for it. I have become aware of this begging/needing behavior.