Some good suggestions so far. I'm a relative newbie, but I believe a quick study. Here is what I have learned so far:

* These relationships, like most other relationships, are based upon honesty, truthfulness and trust. That being said, I spent a great deal of time starting and responding to forum topics on a different website, interacting with people in the chatroom provided by that same website, and blogging about my thoughts and desires on that same website because I felt that the best way to connect with somebody was to show them who I was, what I was about, and what I was wanting and needing. Many people have told me that my writing comes across as rather raw and real, so perhaps I have a gift there. I know exactly what I want to say and exactly how to say it.

* A relationship, though, is a two way street. Accordingly, I also spent a lot of time observing the banter that occurred on that web site, acclimating myself to the culture of s&m/BDSM and the culture of that website in particular, determining where I felt I fit in, determining the things which were most important to me in a relationship, and perhaps most important, determining the things I was definitely not interested in. In making those self-assessments, it became clear that there were a few people I was definitely not at all potentially interested in.

The real difficult part for me was to make the decision that this was something I genuinely felt I wanted to pursue for myself. My number one concern is my personal safety. The circumstances behind that are extraordinarily complicated, and it was very important for me to make sure that the other person was well aware of my situation and was able to either understand it or be willing to learn about it. I actually got lucky in that the Domme who I am currently in an e-relationship with at the moment (we are trying to make plans beyond that) actually has some level of background experience into some of my circumstances.

Eventually, though not right away, phone numbers and YIM IDs were exchanged. In the few months since, I've spoken with her on the telephone probably 4 times, all of them at my initiation although one was at her explicit invitation, and exchanged instant messages with her a number of times, with initiations split about evenly. She has been incredibly supportive of me both as a newbie and as a person with a rather unique situation.

I reckon that what you should be looking for are similar things. What would make you feel most comfortable with a person you might potentially be engaging in activities which have a certain degree of physical and emotional and psychological harm? We have to be honest in assessing the probability of problems. Not all relationships go smoothly, and the reasons for that are numerous. The trick is to try to mitigate the rough edges as much as possible before the relationship gets too deep to cause those rough edges to become the perverbial "gotchas".

I hope this has been helpful. Please feel free to ask for clarification or additional questions.