Some interesting perspectives jen

- What do you consider an appropriate use of a safeword? Is this a hard and fast rule or does it depend on the partner and situation?
Yes, it should be situational. I can't expect the same levels of confidence or needs and desires from a sub new to the life, a new sub to me, and a long term life-styler, new to me or not.

Appropriate use of a safeword... and I usually use two... is for situations that might arise that we've never discussed. For example, we might have talked about a whipping but she never expected a bullwhip. (Not that I would, but it's a good over-the-top, to me, example....) vs. a situation where the play has suddenly somehow gone too far... or I might not realize the actual consequences... and must be stopped. Imagine forcing a sub to remove her veil or lift her skirt in Afganistan and not knowing the consequences.... LOL


- Is it ever ok to not have a safeword? Should subs be able to safeword in a punishment?
The trite answer of course is sure. No safeword if I'm driving and you think I'm tailgating. I don't do that for vanilla friends, why would I do that for my sub. LOL But I'm not sure within the lifestyle. Should a safeword be permitted for an activity that's been performed a hundred times before? If you're too tired, you can ask to be excused... but to have control over it? I don't know....

Should a sub be able to use one in a punishment? It damn well better be because something has happened to her out of the ordinary... in the course of the punishment. But that answers the question. You have to have a safeword. Blood pressures can rise during punishment... what if you had a occular hemorage... how the hell would I know... I must be willing to stop for a safeword... Now... once used, it better have been for a good reason...

- Does a safeword automatically stop a scene? Do you instead use it as a break to assess the situation or continue in a different direction? Do you have more than one safeword to denote different things?
No, a safeword can be used to give a new sub an opportunity to ask, learn, and gain some confidence in new situations. To change directions? Not usually, unless I forgot an agreed upon limit or we discovered a new limit we hadn't discussed.

Two words, yes, I, in essence, answered that above. But the "time out" safeword has to be used less and less frequently over time.

-Is the safeword effective? Have you ever encountered a situation where a sub may have needed to safeword but was unable due to being in too much pain/emotion/ in sub space to remember or even think of it?
Effective? Yes, just as safety belts, motorcycle helmets, and car seats for infants and tots. But just like those devices, it's for the unexpected occurance that you know could happen. It's there but unecessary in the normal of events.

The whole issue of a partner entering subspace is tricky. I don't want her there until all the above concerns have been addressed. I have to recognize when she goes and it is encumbent on me to realize she no longer has the ability to tell me if she's in trouble. Recognizing she's in subspace, I must maintain my self-control and stay within the bounds we've already explored. That is not the time to experiment.



Writing this has been one of those opportunities... I know this deep down but it is never-the-less good to 'verbalize' it from time to time.

Thanx jen