An excellent article jen, and I can't really find anything where I disagree with you. Even in an online relationship (fantassy and I use an internet phone the majority of the time) there is a need for safewords. Since I can't physically be there to fix any problem, and fantassy is obviously alone in her house, safety and precautions are a must.


Occassionally, in extreme circumstances I may use the safeword for something I think would damage me psychologically...
I am glad you raised this point. Too many people only think of the physical conditions that may require a safeword. But imagine if I decided to record one of our phone sessions and create an MP3 to post on the net for others to listen! Ok, there are those that are more exhibitionist out there that would like this - but since we are more private sorta individuals, and so doing this could be emotionally devastating. Definitely a time for a safeword.

What do you consider an appropriate use of a safeword? Is this a hard and fast rule or does it depend on the partner and situation?
I agree with Ozme - very much dependant on partner and situation. With my particular kink (Orgasm control) a lot of what I do is to create the arousal but her struggle not to cum. Clearly, if what we are doing isn't working it is pointless to continue. If I order her to cum, and something is preventing it from happening, we need to stop to correct the problem or the frustration will not be a pleasure for either of us.

Safewords are also very important because this allows 'subbie protests' to be voiced to indicate that what is happening is (or going to be) a challenge but allows it to continue. If anything, a subbie protest 'encourages' me. Without a safeword, I would have no way of knowing when a subbie protest was real.


Is it ever ok to not have a safeword? Should subs be able to safeword in a punishment?
I cannot think of any occasion that a sub should not have a safeword. On some forums I have seen the slave (vs) sub debate, and one often quoted difference is that slaves are not allowed safewords. While I would expect a slave to be less likely to use one, it would be courting with disaster to prevent it entirely .. and that includes during punishment.

Is the safeword effective? Have you ever encountered a situation where a sub may have needed to safeword but was unable due to being in too much pain/emotion/ in sub space to remember or even think of it?
I have had one situation where I had not explained that it could be used for more emotional issues as well as just physical - so I was reading her protests as 'subbie protests' and basically ignored them. After about 20 minutes of 'fighting' she tried the safeword, so all turned out well, and was a good lesson for both of us.

Brosco