amber,

I think I already know the answer to this but let me ask you any ways.

Is what you are doing is not just for J and not just for you but to submerge yourself into the submission you feel which pulls you closer to him even when he isn't there?

Does the fact that you are only doing this because you are going to be with him seem important to you or do you find yourself being concerned that as his possession that you have to look your best even when he will not be with you physically because it shows not pride of yourself but pride that you are his?