I’m sorry butterflyslave4u but in Luke’s Cool Hand’s defence, I agree, this would be a much better and easier read if it was broken into paragraphs and fully punctuated.

I realise this isn’t the sub forum for writers’ feedback, however since you chose to write your piece in a second person story style I think it’s only fair that people will assume it’s been written as story regardless of whether it’s fact or fiction, or where you've posted it, and many of their comments have/will reflect this.

When we write/create something—especially in such a heartfelt way, it’s lovely to receive positive and encouraging feedback. All authors, on all levels, receive criticism at some time. It’s part and parcel of writing. Especially when it’s intended to be constructive—as I believe it was here—my advice is read it, learn from it, and then move on.

And, do keep writing.