I am not Oz (if you couldn't tell....) but you pose interesting questions Tojo, so I am going to butt in.

If I am meeting someone in person, I am looking to meet the real person, and not their online persona. I would expect to call them by their given name (and would certainly expect to be provided with their given name) until I deemed it appropriate to call them something different. I am not implying that anyone is misrepresenting themselves online, but we all have an online persona. For example....

<------ This is not my ass. It is just a great picture. I have been honest about that to the umpteen people who have PM'd me to ask.

lily is not my real name.

Although BDSM is an important aspect of my life, it is not the only thing. If you are meeting me in person I expect you to be interested in all of me, not just "lily with the hot avatar" and as such would refer to me by my real name.

And no, nobody deserves more respect just because they state they are a Dom. Even if I know for a fact that they are a Dom I do not respect them any more than I would my father, my brother, or a close friend. The only person who is granted additional respect is my Master, and that is something he proved he deserves.