Yes, I know many of you will have read that subject title and now being thinking that it just simply doesn't make sense, or does it?

A while back I had a incredibly interesting chat with a submissive man. He told me he lives with his domme, but they never have, or have had, sex. At first I thought he was kidding, or perhaps referring to some kind of long term orgasm denial, but no, theirs is a totally bdsm nonsexual relationship. They function just like any other bdsm couple except they don't engage in any form of sex. She has regular meetings with another man, in fact apparently she often uses that to humiliate her submissive--telling him what a great fuck he is and that kind of thing. He masturbates but rarely gets an erection when they're actually playing. The relationship is happy, well, that is to say, they're both find it very satisfying.

It would seem that while bdsm and sex is a delicious mix, the two need not always be synonymous. I think it's a little like enjoying bacon and eggs. They taste best together, but their also ok to eat one or the other.

I think, too, that perhaps some people discover their masochism long before before their sexuality. E.g. How many of you submissives out there were naughty children always "looking for spanking"?

Sadists too, I think perhaps often find the power of being in control of another person's pain to be rather additive long before puberty. Again, I cite kids--kids who seem to relish embarrassing and shaming their parents, or pulling the wings of flies.

I realise it's not entirely fair to make these kind of generalisations, but it's still an interesting thought isn't it?

So getting back to the topic of bdsm and sex, what is more important to a sadist or a masochist, bdsm or sex? And, it you had to choose one or the other which couldn't you live without?