Quote Originally Posted by theladystouch View Post
Thanks for taking the time to go over this, Nikita. I appreciate it. You made some really good points, and did it so gently, too.

One thing...you mention my repetition. That was intentional. An attempt to indicate the stress/duress Steve is under. Either I didn't provide enough backstory, or else I didn't adequately convey his state of mind. Can you tell which?

I'm going to play with this some more, and I'm sure others will weigh in when they get a chance (I seem to be an irresitible target for H Dean) .

Again, thank you so much for your critique. It helps, and I appreciate it.

Be well.
You are most welcome.

You were quite skillful in showing that he was under stress/duress. The drama/tension increased as the tale went on. A writer has to give the reader credit for getting the message the first time. Any more than that and ... it's like hitting them over the head with a hammer.

The most glaring issue here was the transition scene. If anything, I'd like to see that posted, the transition scene with the paragraph before and after it.