Hi retsnomterces,

There is no list here. There are a lot of caring people who understand your fantasies and many who share them. The more violent of your fantasies involving non consensual BDSM should, of course, remain fantasies, but you can indulge in them mentally by reading the many good stories on this site.
As far as why you feel like you do. I think few of us can pinpoint the reason we do. We can remember the first time we had the fantasy but why? Heaven knows. I too had a loving caring upbringing, and I have fantasies similar to yours. I fought them when I was younger, but as the years have gone on I have become more open-minded about such things. I accept them and I am lucky enough to be able to live them out with my wonderful husband.
I hope this helps out a little.

Woodsman's game