I feel for you, pet. I understand that when a new world is opened up for us, we want to just sink ourselves into sensation. I would caution you, however, to not make decisions out of desperation. You can want something so badly, that you put yourself in a dangerous or unhealthy situation. Finding a good Master/Mistress takes time.

Tojo is right that you are not alone. Go to chat rooms and browse in forums like these to find others to whom you can talk. Listen to their experiences and learn from those who have found what they're looking for.

Good luck in your search.