I believe in the possibility of platonic love, a deep friendship between two people of compatible sexual genders which is not motivated by sexual needs. Now, I don't think anyone here would consider this a major problem. I think the main debate is whether a relationship that is entirely D/s or BDSM based constitutes a sexual relationship even if no sexual contact takes place.

While I agree with Tom that sex is not just physical contact but also mental and emotional connections, I think there is a difference between the mental and physical relationship between a sub and a Dom/me and two lovers. In many cases the two can be the same thing because a couple can be both. However, if someone else is fulfilling the needs of one and another is fulfilling the needs of another then there is clear seperation. It is frighteningly common for those in the lifestyle to fall in love with someone who is not interested in the lifestyle, partially because they have not at the time of falling in love, fully understood the needs they have for kink.

I am reminded of a documentary on homosexuality in the 1950s where they interviewed a number of homosexual men who got married to women and barely had sex (sometimes they had it once or twice, sometimes never at all) and only realised in the 1960s - 70s (when the gay scene leapt into prominence) that they were actually gay and this was why they never desired sex with women.