I like the idea of voyeur calling the object he observes “my little cherub.”

Very descriptive style matches the voyeuristic subject of the story. However, there are too many run on sentences, too many adjectives, too many details… It gets redundant. Cooling off the narrative overkill would let the readers experience the story more intimately.

Since this is a first person narrative, you can state directly what the narrator thinks or feels and omit “I thought to myself”. It is a good idea to use single quotes or italics for thoughts.

A fiirst person narrator shoud speak with a distinct, invidualized voice. I do not think that the same person would use ‘cock, manhood, little fucker, Tootse Roll etc….”

Reading the story aloud to yourself is a very good pratice. It helps you realize how the story sounds and where the bumps are.

“Hmmm, I wonder what she is doing tonite,” as I looked at my watch while I walked to the window and my telescope. “What are you up to my little cherub?”

This is a rhetorical question but it is confusing at the opening of the story. Generaly, simple sentenees are better then complicated ones. Consider changing or removing this paragraph.

(“Hmmm, I wonder what she is doing tonight.” I looked at my watch while I walked to the window and my telescope. “What are you up to my little cherub?”)



She was the latest of my visual delights, a red haired , green eyed (green-eyed ) Rubenesque beauty, a sharp dresser and (with) an exquisite taste in her décor and surroundings.

Peering through the lens, I spied (on) her, thinking she was probably working yet again on more paperwork at her desk. But (However,) something was amiss. Her desk was cleared. Her business suit was unbuttoned and she sat sideways to her desk. Her Tiffany lamp was on, giving off its warm glow, as she seemed almost lost in thought with a hand [COLOR="Red"]to (at) her mouth.

Nice touch with the Tiffany lamp. It illustrates her taste and charater. In fat, you could remove the above reference to her taste.

I watched, as she slowly stood and removed her grey blazer with her back to me, revealing her white starched blouse and full view of her amply filled matching skirt, draping it neatly over her chair. (She draped it neatly over her chair.) My “interests” perked up when I saw her hands reaching for the buttons of her blouse, undoing one…two… (the first, then the second… ) before. She looked around, reaching across the desk and turned off the lamp, leaving the darkened office aglow only by the full moonlight. (She looked around, reached across the desk and turned off the lamp. The darkened office was lit only by the full moonlight) Now, this was getting interesting.

She turned sideways, the moonlight seeming to quickly zero in on the alabaster flesh of her face and neck, selectively illuminating the well blessed fullness of her blouse as I watched her hands slip back to her buttons. With her blouse slipping off, I saw a light blue well filled sports bra as I watched her hands go to her skirt, secretly hoping to see the matching shorts…she didn’t let me down.

My manhood lurched (? Rocked, stiffened? Surged?) as I watched her cross the small office, flip on a stereo and begin (to) stretching (strech) out her lush ample from (lush form - no need for both) . She leaned against an (the) exercise bike, bending (bent) over it slowly as she pointed a leg back and curled it deliciously to her backside, easily grasping it in (with) a (her) hand. She held it in place, [COLOR="Red"] stretching, (too much stretching) her muscles tensing and moving. like She had done this many times before.

She leaned against an exercise bike, bending (bent) over it slowly as she pointed a leg back and curled it deliciously to her backside, easily grasping it with her hand. She held it in place, stretching (and stretched), her muscles, tensing and moving them like she had done many times before. like she had done this many times before.

She did the same to the other.and Then went into a series of squats that gave an assman like me a thrill beyond words. My cock surged with every squat as her cheeks tightened and tensed, testing the material quite nicely, forcing a one handed grip on both “telescopes” that were now readily available.

Hopping on the bike, I watched keenly as she pedaled nowhere with intensity like a woman on a mission. (I watched keenly. Hopping on the bike, she intensly pedaled like a woman on a mission) Sweat soaked [COLOR="Red"] into her clothes, further peaking my interests as her assets became more visible and delicious. I was privy to my own “Flash dance” (starring) my moonlit beauty as the star. Her legs, thighs, and calves rippled and flexed with every thrust, with my cock lurching in time to (with) her pace. Oh, to be the bicycle seat right now, pistoning my meat into her sweetness in time to her pace I thought as I stroked on with my girl. This went on (She went on with her workout) for some thirty minutes, with my attentions being clearly tested several times, as I watched her workout routine. (My attention was tested several times.)

She slowed seeming to have satisfied her need for speed, (She satisfied her need for speed and slowed down,) pulling a towel around her neck and wiping her face and body down. Lucky towel I thought to myself, being allowed (it was allowed) to soak up the sweat from that Goddess, as I watched her dismount the bike and head for another corner of the room. Reaching for a handle, she opened a door , (to a private bathoom) flicking on a light switch. (This was) a moment where I (always) wondered if I will get to see….

(You should emphasize that this is recurring experience and that he gets excited every time. How long this has beeen going on? How does he feel about it?)

Stepping into the room and into the light, I saw her and all her sweaty Rubenesque glory. She was magnificent. as I watched her stand before the mirror wiping sweat and checking herself over. when she set the towel on the counter and something caught my eye…and I zoomed my telescope in for a closer view.

She stood primping and preening under my close “supervision”. When I homed in on something that made me smile. I smiled. She had a tattoo, on her panty line, (On her panty line she had a tattoo) of Dopey from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. But “Dopey” was being a bad little dwarf. He was peeking down her panties, trying to see her wet sweetness, a place and sight I would truly relish myself.

I wondered what “Dopey” was seeing. Was she clean shaved there, or did she have it barbered into some exotic pattern like a heart or something? That was a trend nowadays with some women. Was she a natural redhead, or was it a dye job? I jacked my cock faster as I watched my girl reach for the sides of her bra and pull it overhead revealing two mountains of mouthwatering perfection. that I could spend a weekend appreciating (them) in so many ways. as she smoothed out those twin peaks with her hands, moving them this way and that. I watching (I watched) her reflection in the mirror lustily. My pace quickened yet again.

My heart almost skipped a beat. as I saw her hands run (Her hands ran) +228/ seductively down her sides to her waist, grasping the hem of her shorts with her thumbs and begin to pull them down. “ Dammit! The mirror cuts off just above her bellybutton, how will I know…? Dopey, help me out here buddy, shove her back a step or two so I can see!”

My grip tightened as my edging slowed while I watched intently with baited breath. The moment of truth was at hand, for both of us, as I saw the white flesh of her rotund biteable cheeks coming into view. Time seemed to stop. as She slowly lowered those sweat-soaked shorts. Bending over as she slid them down her thighs before letting them fall to the floor. Frantically, with an erratic pace I jacked and waited, hoping to see what that little fucker was privy to.

She turned and climbed into the shower, and I liked the world. And the “Tootsie Roll” may never know… but you can bet I will be watching again.