therapuetic?

[icey]

not sure what title to give this one lol and possibly a bit of a 'risky' topic so i'll try to word it carefully.

i was reading a thread about gun play and it's something ive recently wanted to try myself, but as a child i had a lot of bad 'sexual' experiences with guns could have been rifles im not sure,those used for pigeon shooting although thats beside the point i guess.

it got me thinking though, because of that im shit scared of guns/rifles and
the like so why on earth does it appeal to me sexualy and are a big turn on for me? quite a lot of things i enjoy sexually have been things that were done to me as a child that scared and hurt me, and im sure im not unique in this

the reason im asking is why on earth would the things that hurt and scared me the most and possibly damaged me in some way or another (although im not too sure it did) appeal to me now?

i wondered is it sort of therapuetic in a way, or cause im a bit sick and twisted lol and if you know of others the same and what kind of effect it had on them? obviously im not asking for personal details and storys!
i dont feel that it affects me in anyway and i really enjoy the things we do ..too much sometimes but im pretty sure that somewhere somehow it must touch something in me and have some kind of effect hopefuly a good one.

but at the same time im fairly sure there must be some sort of connection,

im not sure that ive worded this too well and if anyone will actually understand what im trying to say but id really like to know your thoughts/knowledge on this one.