Often in our relationships, we seek out partners that reflect the bad and/or traumatic qualities of past partners/parents/abusers etc.. For example, girls from abusive upbringings are far more likely to end up with an abusive boyfriend or husband. Why? Not because anyone likes being abused (outside of play, folks! ) or even that these girls think they have come to deserve such treatment, but because of the way our minds attempt to soothe and to rationalize our traumas. We often think (though rarely at a conscious level) that if we can put ourselves back into a bad situation but steer it toward a different outcome, that we will have overcome what hurt us in the past and thus be healed moving foward. We want to relive wrong situations until we can make them come out right.

Firearms clearly represent a negative period in your life, and are a symbol of a trauma you could have done nothing to avoid as a child. Now, you're all grown up and, I think, attracted to the thought of facing this symbol of a neagative experience as a woman that can deal with it. As an adult, you will use guns to play, to become aroused, and they will lose their negative power over you. Personally, if gun play turns you on I say go for it. "Theraputic" is a great way to look at it, in fact.

My only caution above and beyond the nearly obsessive concerns one should always take with firearms would be this: be prepared for "flashbacks" as Euryleia mentioned above. She makes great points.