I am really sorry you had to go through that. Don't worry about oversharing, it is a really good thing you're willing to talk about this right now.

First of all, realise your reaction to what has happened is a normal response. It's normal you feel weak, abnormal and disgusted by yourself/your body/everything else. You have to know, however, that it really is not your fault (textbook) or that you deserved this for sometimes fantasizing about something similar. This was done to you.

If you feel strong enough, I suggest immediately going to the police. Not only will you show the guy he can't do this to people, the police will be able to get you further help should you need it. You need to be quite strong, though, because these kind of cases are emotionally VERY hard and the chance of him being convicted not that high. But maybe others have been attacked by him before, and the police should know.

If you really daren't go to the police, please, do talk about it to someone. Find a therapist if you feel comfortable doing that. Do not pretend nothing happened.

The reason you're posting here, I'm guessing, is you feel ashamed, disgusted and confused by your own fantasies. You shouldn't. It is a normal way of coping by blaming yourself in some way, and this is the way you're blaming yourself. The fact you're going to have to come to terms with, is that you had no control over what happened, some complete bastard did it to you.

You're not abnormal, you were raped. Unfortunately that's not abnormal.